...

I miss you all.
I miss the ME then....

...

The Poor Cat...

It's weird that I'm writing a post about a cat and super random as well. Oh well, I am random.

And I hated the cat. We shall call it my neighbour's cat.

Ever since my neighbour moved in, they have a yellow stripped cat which looks annoyingly like Garfield.

In fact it is as fat as Garfield. 

Why do I hate it? Personally I'm not really fond of cats especially when I lived in Perlis where the cats can jump onto the table to get a swipe at your food or the cats walking into the hostel like it is their home.

But this cat of my neighbour, it actually jump from the balcony next door to my house, walked through the open glass door and got into the kitchen and ate my mom's Belacan (shrimp paste) bought from Thailand. How scary is that? It's like an intruder into the house. One more thing is when I go out for work and somehow it ran out from his house but ended up coming back to the wrong house into my house and it was sleeping at the door so when I open the door, it looks at me with those scary eyes. Creepy you know. Which is why I hated it.

As much as I hate it, I don't think it deserves the treatment it got. The neighbour used to pamper it and when it ran out from their home, they actually posted a Missing Cat poster at our flats. But when their new baby came, they actually banished it from the home. Can you imagine a homegrown cat suddenly left in the wild. It was huge but it was afraid of cats size smaller than it. It looked silly when I saw the white cat which is smaller than it chasing it. Some aunties do occasionally bring leftover to fed those cats down at my flats and it ended up getting leftovers with the wild cats. Finally after being down there for so long, it became friends with the wild cats haha.

Now apparently some guy kicked it and it got scared and jumped and landed wrongly and died. Poor cat. I feel that the neighbours are so irresponsible for abandoning it. Why get a cat when you will throw it away whenever you want. Aninals are living beings too. If you want to adopt a pet, please take care of your pets. if not, don't bother getting a pet. RIP Ugly Garfield-like cat.

Thoughts...

Thinking          Planning

I realised that with every phase in your life, things change.

Friendship changes, standard changes, attitude changes.

I am resentful of change and I hate to admit it but changes are inevitable. 

I guess is time to let go of some stuff and find myself.

Everyone has their own thing nowadays. I should have mine too.

I don't want to think of someday as something far away. 

I will strive to do my best in the present.

It's time to be the positive me back.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

I'll make it happen. 

Time to plan. ^^

...

Pensive night...

A new year, a new beginning, a new journey.

It's March already. How time flies and gone by. Graduation was like 6 months ago. Seems the moment of elation of graduating has pass by to be filled with worries for the future.

Feeling positive tonight. I wonder why? I just feel that way.

I've been feeling sad and happy on and off that I am beginning to feel I suffer from bi-polar disease. =.=

The new job is fine. It might be great for a lot of people. Good pay, good benefits and stable job. I just feel 'fine' fine. I am very thankful for the job offer and the confidence of the manager in me handling the work. I'm however less enthusiastic of the job scope. I imagine I can do this for a certain period of time but not for my entire life. I know what I am capable of and I'm definitely not stupid. Still I'm not satisfied with this kind of living. I keep asking myself am I just taking the easy way out? How confident are you that you will be happy if you changed career? The truth is I will never know until I try it. And I want to. I want to just experience something different for once and see if I can.

I keep asking myself if money is more important than happiness. The answer is however that having money is also a kind of happiness. >.< But money is not everything. Or so I believe.

I have been pondering and wondering for this 6 months on how I want to walked on in life and I still haven't gotten a right answer. I am not very fond of the 'what ifs' but I'm thinking a lot about them lately that it is frustrating me. I've made up my mind and changed them far too often. I have set myself a goal that I'm not sure I will reach but is stubbornly trying to achieve. I always knew I lack courage and determination. So I'm praying for guidance and courage. And pray everything will go as plan (which they 99% of the time never do.) and maybe for once just listen to my heart.

...

McFly-ing~~

Recently I've been having a liking,
For a band who's out of this world,
Believe me...

So lately I've been listening to McFly who isn't really a new boyband or group but a famous established pop band formed in 2003. I've actually heard about McFly before because of one song which is All About You. A very nice song which had occupied my playlist on a repeat loop 2 years ago. I've put them to the back of my mind until recently when the wedding speech of one of the McFly member gone viral and he made an awesome speech/song with their number one hits. It was such an amazing speech that I went and look for their songs and discovered I should have listen to them earlier hahaha...better late than never...

'Obviously' is one of my favourite and I've taken a page from Tom Fletcher, their lead vocal and rewrote their lyrics on top. Their new song from last year, Love Is Easy is now my favourite song of the moment. I'm so in love with the song and it is on a repeat mode on my music player and I'm like sharing it over on FB a couple of times. The lyrics are simple but the song is so much fun. Especially love the funny MV. Gotta share this.

The pink ukelele is so cute.

I'm a little obsessed with McFly at the moment and I don't care if practically all of the band members are married or not available. They are HOT and so good-looking and funny. Some people are just so talented and so good-looking...hehehe...Sharing some music which I love and hope you guys enjoy it too. They cheer me up and I hope they cheer you up too.

 ...

Of jobs and careers

Hi. My first 2013 post and I'm always here again blogging about unhappy events :(

I mentioned at the last post  that I'm switching to another job. This job is almost like the 1st one I got. Process mechanical engineer. I guess I should be happy that I'm getting an opportunity that people would grab immediately. Better pay, better company and better future. Unfortunately, I don't feel happy.

I though it was a phase but turns out I was wrong. I went through the whole being miserable stage at the last job and only got cheery after I handed in my resignation. And I'm going through the same thing again. I'm just not committed to making the job my career. The company is bigger and better than the last and I walked until I got lost in the plant when I was going home. But somehow as big as it is, I feel so claustrophobic and panicking the whole time I was there.

I carried a hope thinking I would like working there but I guess it makes me more sure of switching career path. Since it is a contract thingy, so I decided I'm going to try my best to complete this 1 year contract term and stop looking in this career path anymore.

I don't think I'm suited to working in factories. I find it very cold, sterile and enclosing. You know why I think I'm not suited. 1st, I am not committed to spending hours in this job solving problems. 2nd, I can't find the passion and initiative to give more to the job. 3rd, I am not as ambitious as people to go up a higher level and challenge themselves. 4th, I want a stable job that I can still have time to myself and my family. 5th, I'm not looking for a high paid job just one I can be happy in with moderate pay. I can go on and on. I understand there is much pros in working as an engineer and the opportunities to travel and to gain more knowledge but the cons weighs more to me.

I believe eventually I will find the right career for myself but this is not it. I'm sorry to say it and I'm very disappointed with myself for not being tough or strong enough or determined enough but I'm really not suited for this career path. I'm so sorry for being so silly that I'm always so unhappy and I don't want to be that way...I'm done with engineering. I'll finish up this one year and next year hopefully by this time, I can leave for a happier, less stressful job that will make me feel it is worth it to give my commitment too.

....

Adieu 2012~~

Today is the last day of 2012. 

31st December 2012.

Ending a year always makes me think back what I have accomplished in a year.

This year I completed my studies and graduated. Bid a tearful goodbye to my studying life and saying a bitter hello to the working life. Learning new things about myself. Discovering my disability to be independent and being too nonsensical and over-emotional.

2012 started well to me with lots of happiness and hope amidst the fear of the unknown. It ended with frustration, regrets, tears and understanding and remembering there's always still hope. 2012 was a year of realisations to me.

2013 is coming in 6 hours. A new year brings forward new challenges and signifies new beginnings. In the year 2013, I will switch to a new job in a new workplace and I'm praying for courage and determination. I'm not expecting things to go smoothly but I'm hoping that things can eventually unravel and have a good end. I hope I can make some changes I want to make successfully and be happy. I hope 2013 will be a year full of happiness and good health to everyone.

Happy New Year everyone...

...

Time is the father of all truths

The quote time is the father of all truth really inspire me.

I recently just listen to it on the radio and realise that is it pretty much the truth. Pardon the pun.

It's true that with time, you will learn to see what's right and what's wrong. 

With time, you will realise whether you believe in what you do or not. 

With time, you will realise that without passion, there's just no love or interest.

With time, you grow wiser or less stupid in my case,

With time, you learn that plans require efforts,

With time, you learn nothing comes without sacrifice,

And with time you will realise what you want now might not be what you want in the future.

I'm very fond of philosophy and now I wonder why I didn't pursue a career in that.

Hah...I'm just jack of all trades and master of none. 

A lil bit here and there. 

Total nonsense.

....

Life~

People say to gain you have to lose.

It's funny that when I decide on a plan, something will definitely change my plan.

Something unexpected comes my way and I have to struggle to deal with it.

I get so frustrated and stressed out by it and it just make me feel panicky.

So panicky that I feel like bursting in tears and being so hard to breathe.

Can't believe I'm having a panic attack at this age. >.<

"You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll get what you need."

I hope this applies to me.

I'll try to be positive about things and look forward instead of back.

I  don't handle changes well. In fact I hate changes. You can say I like the feeling of being safe.

The fact that I'm starting on a new path in my life scares the hell out of me and I need someone around and there's no one to stay with me.

Everyone has their own life now and I guess that makes me a little a lot lonely.

I am too clingy to my family and friends and the fact is I need to start being really independent now.

I know I'm being too emotional all the time and it's annoying the people around me.

Thank you for trying to be understanding and please bear with me with all my emo-ness ahead.

I have a plan again now and I hope my plan goes well. 1 year..I will give engineering another shot.

After that, anything goes~~

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam. If there's a will, there's always a way. 

Please don't let me forget that.

...

Having second...third thoughts....

I don't know what I want in life.

Suddenly I lost all my ambitions in life.

I started working yesterday and to tell you frankly, I hated it.

If you ask me why I hated it, it's just the feeling of it and the heart is saying no. The people are OK albeit the company being stingy in pay. There's a lot of work but I'm still trying to cope. But I still have the feeling this is not the path for me. I'm going to try but if your heart's not in it.......and I feel so alone.

I know people will have all sorts of impression of me being rich, pampered and spoiled. I'm probably am pampered even if my family is not rich.I'm just not happy.

It's funny how I imagine myself 5 years from now and I can't see myself working in a factory. I'm not much of a leader and frankly, I don't want to be one. So find me a job where I can follow someone and I'll go for it.

It's not that I don't have the skills or the brains to do it but I just don't have the heart to do it. My heart doesn't even know what it wants now. I'm in serious thoughts of furthering my studies. But what can I do after futhering? Do I still have to work back in a factory? Take up lecturing?

I'm probably going for something different. So many years in science and I realise although I find science interesting, I'm not much of the fan of the mathematical parts of science. So I guess I'm more suitable for some artsy or language. I love English but do I love it enough to make it my job? Teaching perhaps in English?

I truly need a psychologist. Why don't we have them in abundance in Malaysia. There's a lot of stress on me right now. I hate that I have to grow up and my parents going old. This year brings a lot of perspective into my life and my thinking is life is short and I want to be doing something I love while I can and enjoy my time with my family. Working...I want to be working doing something I love and that would be what? Baking? Cooking? English? And suddenly....I realised I'm not even thinking in science.

A few people mention I was good in my studies in Materials Engineering, why don't I like it now? I don't have the answer too. Is it because all my life people have been saying science is good and engineering is good and I'm influenced through there and since I'm bad at accountancy, I decided to try it.

Would it be wrong to say I made a mistake now and I want to try something different? My mom says she's proud of me no matter what which makes me teared up and tell me I can do what I want as long as I can take care of myself and be happy. I cried big time everything she says that because it make me realise how I haven't grow up at all and I'm so much of a mommy's and daddy's girl.

I'm jealous of people who are working and holding on well to their ambitions. I don't really have a big one. I just want to live a simple and happy comfortable life. And it is so hard to achieve that.

...

Confused

So I got through what I would say is a phase of depression

I stop feeling sorry for myself...maybe still a little bit. But hey...I'm neurotic in that way.

I'm writing this because frankly, I don't have anyone to talk to about it now. No one who can offer me advice or some perspective on the jobs. So here I am letting go of what I think here.

I got a job. In fact I'm starting next week although I haven't sign the offer yet.

 

But fate just have to play with me. I got a job interview from a big multinasional company, one of the big players in Penang. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the interview and went. It made me think of the what ifs.

What does my heart tell me? I'm not sure. Obviously getting into a bigger company will have better pay, benefits and stuff but the thing is I'm still at the interview stage only. It's still pending and there's no guarantee I'm getting the job. On the other hand, the small company has confirmed everything for me.

Thus the confusion. I don't know who to talk to right now. I've already gotten a job and done the medical checkup and whatnot. If I would take the risk and drop the job wouldn't that just be bad manners to the company and the what-ifs comes into mind. What if the MNC rejects me too? So continue being jobless?

And then the company drop me another bomb. Ask me to go for another interview for another position. Every damn thing is still pending. So what do I do now. How to make choices when you're confused? I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision. 

Should I just go to the smaller company where the pay is lower and benefits less and give it a shot? Should I or should I not? 

But come to think of it, I sort of have a decision made but I still feel wasted. I think I'll give myself a chance to go for the interview and then start working at the small company. Go for the experience even if I have went to like gazillions of these interviews. I'm following my heart but why does it feel so heavy?

....

I should have faith in myself....

Somehow when I vowed not to come back to this place, I'm back. =.=

I said goodbye to this chapter of my life but I can't seem to move on to the next chapter of my life.

My friends told me not to lose faith and cheer up. That nothing is impossible.

My family just tell me to be me, to make my own decisions as it is my own life.

A senior told me to follow my heart and I won't be wrong. That even if I am then I won't regret it. 

The truth is I am following my heart and I do wonder if my decisions do sometimes fail me.

Do I lose myself in the process of making decisions or suffer from the consequences of the choices I made?

I know I shouldn't feel sad over things passed. Let bygones be bygones. (and I almost forgot that's what I always say in the past)

I need to have a new perspective in my life and trust everything will go well.

I should get out from this emotional mess and be courageous. 

Whatever will be will be. If there's a will, there's always a way.

Hwaiting, Ganbatte, Jia You!!!!

 

Through the rain, there's a brighter day.

So miserable that it's funny

It's funny.

I started this blog to show myself that I have many happy memories and I want to remember them through here. But it seems the blog has taken a very depressing state through a depressing period of my life. I think I made myself depressed.

It's funny.

Funny how I can think too much and become so emotional in seconds. I have a new skill now. The ability to cry in 30 seconds. It's true. I can do that...make it 20 seconds and I'll still be able to do it.

It's funny.

Right now I'm feeling just fine. But you'll never know tomorrow. I was sitting and talking with a friend just now during dinner. It was all happy chit-chatting and suddenly my emotions swerved into a different direction that I feel so down and almost cried.

It's funny.

I can write about this now because I got fed-up of myself being such an idiot. So what if no one wants to hire me now. So what if I'm still sitting at home doing nothing. So what if I'm not as capable as some people earning money. 

It's funny.

I still care of what people think of me and maybe too much at that too. Too much that it made me so low esteemed about it. That I worry of what people think of me. That I worry that my parents worry about me. That I disappoint them in so many ways. That I can't give them a good life. 

It's funny.

I'm actually afraid of starting a new chapter in life and worrying over something that isn't going to happen in another 20 years. Worrying and not actually taking on a challenge and be brave, be positive, and believe that I can.

It's so funny until it is not funny anymore......

I think I'm going through a depression state.

It seems I can never feel happy enough. One minute I feel happy, the other I feel down.

I worry about this and that yet I do nothing to solve it.

I guessed I'm a worrywart and I tend to aim too high.

But then that's who I am isn't it? 

Aim for the stars but if you can't at least you reach the moon.

Let's face reality, eventually I'll need to work and make a living.

Can't rely on anyone to live your life.

...

I'm A Graduate!!

Latest news in my life.

I'm finally a graduate!!! Graduated only with a second class upper degree in Materials Engineering. 

Wish it was a first class degree. Oh well, I'm smart (self bragging) but not that hardworking. :P

If there's anything I regret from the four years there is not spending enough time exploring Perlis and actually going to Langkawi. Can you believe I only went there once and it was for a school program so I didn't even get to tour the island.

Another thing would be not scoring those silly midterm test where everyone copies and pretend they don't. Wish I studied better. I tried my best during the finals but not always during those tests. 

Oh well, let bygones be bygones. Maybe I'll challenge myself to a Master's degree someday.

Back to the topic, here's a few photos of my convocation which I think was too short. I think the whole ceremony of me taking the cert from the Raja Muda was like 4 seconds. Didn't even have the chance to savour the moment. It's a closure to another chapter of my life. The end of my studying life. Worrying to continue to the next chapter...

My mom and dad. See they're wearing matching clothes...haha

This photo is the best. Love it.

Just realised how I take photos by tilting my face in a certain angle. So every single photo of me seems to look the same...haha. But the angle makes me look prettier..so I'll keep doing that. :P

(Pressies from peeps...so many makes me so happy ^^)

...

Reply 1997

Synopsis of Reply 1997

This drama will focus on the extreme fan culture that emerged in the 1990s when idol groups took centre stage and K-pop was blossoming. It tells the story of 6 former high school friends from a school in Busan who meet again in 2012 and brings back memories to 1997 when they were still high school students. Moving back and forth between the ’90s and today, the story centers on the life of Sung Si Won, who idolizes boyband H.O.T. and her 5 high school friends.

 ~~~~

So I have finished watching the drama until the 15th episode. One more episode left. Can't say this is the 1st drama I go crazy for because I had plenty of past experiences ^^.

But this drama is great in terms that it made me cry and it made me laugh. Any drama which can make me laugh and cry in the same episode can be cased into my favourite drama list. I think there's a feeling that everyone can related to in the drama when we are still studying. And as much as I dislike those cliffhangers, the directors and screenwriters really made a great job in keeping the audiences' attention to tuned in the next episode. I myself finish watching 15 episodes in 4 days. Could have been faster if I haven't been busy with other things. I spend every free time I got at home watching this drama.

Because I know I'm pretty much fanatic for romance stories, I don't know if this story will intrigue you like it did to me but I felt this story is really awesome. Watch it for yourself. ^^ Can't wait for the final episode!! It airs tonight and I shall wait for the English subbed ones (Dunno if I can resist watching the raw videos or not..hehe.)

19/9/12
Failed to resist watching the raw videos..haha. Great ending though hehe....although I don't understand the words hahaha. Here's a trailer on the drama.




And one of the OST. I love this song. ^^

....

K-drama-ing

What's new about watching Korean dramas? Hmm...if you knwo me then you will know I'm a big K-pop fan. 

But I'm not someone who will watch drama series for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I like watching dramas. It's just that I prefer something I can finish in a short amount of time than waiting for the series to go on every week. But, if I got the whole series then somehow I still don't watch it. It's weird. I think I'm weird.

I'm peculiar. And if someone I don't like is in the drama or movie, I will try not to watch it. It's like I try to avoid watching it so that my perspective of that person won't change. >.< Proofs that I'm a stubborn bitch. I guess I'm bitchy in many ways. Better not say in what ways here. :P

Back to the topic, K-dramas....I have lots of good dramas in my external hard disk waiting to be watch but I started on three which is still airing. Crazy waiting for them to air every week. 

Started watching Reply 1997 today. Hmmm...started because I was influenced by the good reviews of netizens. After watching the 1st two episodes, I think the drama should be good. I can related to it even though during the year 1997, I was just 9 years old. The drama does portray the average teenagers accurately even if it was 15 years ago. Funny and meaningful. Those were the days.... 

....

Newest freebies collected

 Kleenex tissues which came through the mail. Express post which ended up having me to go to the post office and collect a package with tissue in it. 

 The Laneige Snow Bb Soothing Cushion which is basically a BB cream sample. Collected it today from Gurney Parkson. Just have to print out a voucher through this link: https://www.facebook.com/laneigemalaysia/app_294866817278333

 And this perfume sample is the Marc Jacobs Dot perfume I redeem from buying Cleo Magazine September Issue. Smells nice. There's a card inside the magazine to redeem it from stores nationwide. Check out this month's Cleo magazine for further details.

These days I got myself obsessed with looking for freebies online and so far these were what I got from the last month of foraying into the world of freebies online. I remember getting a freebie of contact lenses before but that was 2 years ago. I can only get small stuff unlike some people who are so awesome at it getting freebies such as shoes, clothes, bags and even electronics. Still, it's fun to get free stuff even if they are small stuff. ^^

...

Book review: The Peach Keeper

Almost forgot I have another Sarah Addison Allen's book in my collection. I'm sort of like a collector. I like collecting books by the same author if I find one of her/his book interesting because chances are other books by said author might be nice as well.

Peach Keeper tells the story of two women. Ms Allen rather likes to write about stories of two women rather than in singular form.

Welcome to Walls of Water, North Carolina, (Fictional I'm assuming) where secrets are thicker than than the town's famous fog. That's what was written on the back of the book cover.

I do tend to judge book by its covers occasionally all the time. Sometimes I buy books cos they are cheap and they were so bad that I stop at the 1st chapter and leave to grow dust on my bookshelves. And yes I do have a bookshelves which occupy a section of my wall and the book collection is growing that I have to buy books secretly to avoid being reprimanded by my mom. If you're interested in romance novels or fiction novels, I'm the person to come too...haha. I don't borrow books to anyone though. Just the occasional friends that I think is trustable with my books. My precious~~~

Back to the topic, Peach Keeper is about a secret buried with time with a hint of magic AGAIN...haha. Ms Allen's books tend to hold to the same formula...tell a story of women with a past and give them magic. Wahla~~ you get a book. This one has less magical properties in it than Garden Spell but it is nonetheless interesting at least to me. I still prefer the first book I read; The Girl Who Chased The Moon which I bought just because of the cover. Guilty as charged. ^^

A discovery of a long-buried secret, a friendship that defies time, and a touch of magic, will transform both women's live in ways they would never expected. The Peach Keeper tells a story of two families and how magic brought them together. How love changes a person and how friendship can defy the forces of time.

What I like about Ms Allen's books is that they tend to tell you to live up to your dreams and not be afraid to be different. Maybe it is time I stop burying myself in books and lift my nose up but the passion of reading can never really fade off from me because reading gives me as much pleasure as swimming does and they help me relax and cheers me up. It gives me an escape from reality and dives into the world where fantasy can be lived in our heads. =D

Book review: Garden Spell

So 3 long months ago, I promised to update a book review on Sarah Addison Allen's Garden Spell. I kinda forgot about it and scrolling down my blog posts, I just realised I didn't live up to the promise yet.

So here I am trying to live up to expectations.
If you like magical and fantasy book with a pinch bucket of romance, you would probably like this one.
It's interesting to me that I can actually sometimes recognise the way the story would go because I have read several of the author's book.

Garden Spell tells the story of two sisters; magical in their own way but none of those wand waving spells though. Garden spell is actually referring to the garden in the Waverley home which has fruits, herbs and edible flowers that has powers to affect people in different way. (Wouldn't it be cool to have food that can affect people magically?) There's an apple tree which throws apple at people. These apples are not to be eaten because it tells you the future; good or bad and most people sees only bad things. I think this is a twist of the forbidden apple tree in Eve's garden. Hehe.

Claire lives in this home tending to the garden and making wonderful concoctions of food from these herbs and flowers catering to people who want them.

Everything was fine until her sister who disappeared years ago came back with a daughter sending her life out of control. Garden Spells reveals what happens when Sydney returns to Bascom with her young daughter, turning Claire's routine existence upside down. As the sisters reconnect and learn to live and rely on each other for support, they finds romance where they least expected, while Sydney's child, Bay, discovers both the safe home she has longed for and her own surprising gifts. With the help of their elderly cousin Evanelle, endowed with her own abilities- the ability to provide people with things they need at really unpredictable times, the Waverley women redeem the past, embrace the present, and take a joyful leap into the future.

I'm actually looking forward to her other book Sugar Queen which I still can't find in the bookstore. Maybe I should buy online. ^^

Disclaimer: Some parts of the review is taken from GoodReads website. ^^