Pensive night...

A new year, a new beginning, a new journey.

It's March already. How time flies and gone by. Graduation was like 6 months ago. Seems the moment of elation of graduating has pass by to be filled with worries for the future.

Feeling positive tonight. I wonder why? I just feel that way.

I've been feeling sad and happy on and off that I am beginning to feel I suffer from bi-polar disease. =.=

The new job is fine. It might be great for a lot of people. Good pay, good benefits and stable job. I just feel 'fine' fine. I am very thankful for the job offer and the confidence of the manager in me handling the work. I'm however less enthusiastic of the job scope. I imagine I can do this for a certain period of time but not for my entire life. I know what I am capable of and I'm definitely not stupid. Still I'm not satisfied with this kind of living. I keep asking myself am I just taking the easy way out? How confident are you that you will be happy if you changed career? The truth is I will never know until I try it. And I want to. I want to just experience something different for once and see if I can.

I keep asking myself if money is more important than happiness. The answer is however that having money is also a kind of happiness. >.< But money is not everything. Or so I believe.

I have been pondering and wondering for this 6 months on how I want to walked on in life and I still haven't gotten a right answer. I am not very fond of the 'what ifs' but I'm thinking a lot about them lately that it is frustrating me. I've made up my mind and changed them far too often. I have set myself a goal that I'm not sure I will reach but is stubbornly trying to achieve. I always knew I lack courage and determination. So I'm praying for guidance and courage. And pray everything will go as plan (which they 99% of the time never do.) and maybe for once just listen to my heart.

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