Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I should have faith in myself....

Somehow when I vowed not to come back to this place, I'm back. =.=

I said goodbye to this chapter of my life but I can't seem to move on to the next chapter of my life.

My friends told me not to lose faith and cheer up. That nothing is impossible.

My family just tell me to be me, to make my own decisions as it is my own life.

A senior told me to follow my heart and I won't be wrong. That even if I am then I won't regret it. 
The truth is I am following my heart and I do wonder if my decisions do sometimes fail me.

Do I lose myself in the process of making decisions or suffer from the consequences of the choices I made?

I know I shouldn't feel sad over things passed. Let bygones be bygones. (and I almost forgot that's what I always say in the past)

I need to have a new perspective in my life and trust everything will go well.

I should get out from this emotional mess and be courageous. 

Whatever will be will be. If there's a will, there's always a way.

Hwaiting, Ganbatte, Jia You!!!!

Through the rain, there's a brighter day.
Sunflowers Field, Umbria

Friday, October 26, 2012

So miserable that it's funny

It's funny.

I started this blog to show myself that I have many happy memories and I want to remember them through here. But it seems the blog has taken a very depressing state through a depressing period of my life. I think I made myself depressed.

It's funny.

Funny how I can think too much and become so emotional in seconds. I have a new skill now. The ability to cry in 30 seconds. It's true. I can do that...make it 20 seconds and I'll still be able to do it.

It's funny.

Right now I'm feeling just fine. But you'll never know tomorrow. I was sitting and talking with a friend just now during dinner. It was all happy chit-chatting and suddenly my emotions swerved into a different direction that I feel so down and almost cried.

It's funny.

I can write about this now because I got fed-up of myself being such an idiot. So what if no one wants to hire me now. So what if I'm still sitting at home doing nothing. So what if I'm not as capable as some people earning money. 

It's funny.

I still care of what people think of me and maybe too much at that too. Too much that it made me so low esteemed about it. That I worry of what people think of me. That I worry that my parents worry about me. That I disappoint them in so many ways. That I can't give them a good life. 

It's funny.

I'm actually afraid of starting a new chapter in life and worrying over something that isn't going to happen in another 20 years. Worrying and not actually taking on a challenge and be brave, be positive, and believe that I can.

It's so funny until it is not funny anymore......

Monday, October 08, 2012

I think I'm going through a depression state.

It seems I can never feel happy enough. One minute I feel happy, the other I feel down.

I worry about this and that yet I do nothing to solve it.

I guessed I'm a worrywart and I tend to aim too high.

But then that's who I am isn't it? 

Aim for the stars but if you can't at least you reach the moon.

Let's face reality, eventually I'll need to work and make a living.

Can't rely on anyone to live your life.


Wednesday, October 03, 2012

I'm A Graduate!!

Latest news in my life.

I'm finally a graduate!!! Graduated only with a second class upper degree in Materials Engineering. 
Wish it was a first class degree. Oh well, I'm smart (self bragging) but not that hardworking. :P

If there's anything I regret from the four years there is not spending enough time exploring Perlis and actually going to Langkawi. Can you believe I only went there once and it was for a school program so I didn't even get to tour the island.

Another thing would be not scoring those silly midterm test where everyone copies and pretend they don't. Wish I studied better. I tried my best during the finals but not always during those tests. 

Oh well, let bygones be bygones. Maybe I'll challenge myself to a Master's degree someday.

Back to the topic, here's a few photos of my convocation which I think was too short. I think the whole ceremony of me taking the cert from the Raja Muda was like 4 seconds. Didn't even have the chance to savour the moment. It's a closure to another chapter of my life. The end of my studying life. Worrying to continue to the next chapter...

My mom and dad. See they're wearing matching clothes...haha

This photo is the best. Love it.

Just realised how I take photos by tilting my face in a certain angle. So every single photo of me seems to look the same...haha. But the angle makes me look prettier..so I'll keep doing that. :P
(Pressies from peeps...so many makes me so happy ^^)