So miserable that it's funny

It's funny.

I started this blog to show myself that I have many happy memories and I want to remember them through here. But it seems the blog has taken a very depressing state through a depressing period of my life. I think I made myself depressed.

It's funny.

Funny how I can think too much and become so emotional in seconds. I have a new skill now. The ability to cry in 30 seconds. It's true. I can do that...make it 20 seconds and I'll still be able to do it.

It's funny.

Right now I'm feeling just fine. But you'll never know tomorrow. I was sitting and talking with a friend just now during dinner. It was all happy chit-chatting and suddenly my emotions swerved into a different direction that I feel so down and almost cried.

It's funny.

I can write about this now because I got fed-up of myself being such an idiot. So what if no one wants to hire me now. So what if I'm still sitting at home doing nothing. So what if I'm not as capable as some people earning money. 

It's funny.

I still care of what people think of me and maybe too much at that too. Too much that it made me so low esteemed about it. That I worry of what people think of me. That I worry that my parents worry about me. That I disappoint them in so many ways. That I can't give them a good life. 

It's funny.

I'm actually afraid of starting a new chapter in life and worrying over something that isn't going to happen in another 20 years. Worrying and not actually taking on a challenge and be brave, be positive, and believe that I can.

It's so funny until it is not funny anymore......