Confused

So I got through what I would say is a phase of depression

I stop feeling sorry for myself...maybe still a little bit. But hey...I'm neurotic in that way.

I'm writing this because frankly, I don't have anyone to talk to about it now. No one who can offer me advice or some perspective on the jobs. So here I am letting go of what I think here.

I got a job. In fact I'm starting next week although I haven't sign the offer yet.

 

But fate just have to play with me. I got a job interview from a big multinasional company, one of the big players in Penang. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the interview and went. It made me think of the what ifs.

What does my heart tell me? I'm not sure. Obviously getting into a bigger company will have better pay, benefits and stuff but the thing is I'm still at the interview stage only. It's still pending and there's no guarantee I'm getting the job. On the other hand, the small company has confirmed everything for me.

Thus the confusion. I don't know who to talk to right now. I've already gotten a job and done the medical checkup and whatnot. If I would take the risk and drop the job wouldn't that just be bad manners to the company and the what-ifs comes into mind. What if the MNC rejects me too? So continue being jobless?

And then the company drop me another bomb. Ask me to go for another interview for another position. Every damn thing is still pending. So what do I do now. How to make choices when you're confused? I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision. 

Should I just go to the smaller company where the pay is lower and benefits less and give it a shot? Should I or should I not? 

But come to think of it, I sort of have a decision made but I still feel wasted. I think I'll give myself a chance to go for the interview and then start working at the small company. Go for the experience even if I have went to like gazillions of these interviews. I'm following my heart but why does it feel so heavy?

....