Of jobs and careers

Hi. My first 2013 post and I'm always here again blogging about unhappy events :(

I mentioned at the last post  that I'm switching to another job. This job is almost like the 1st one I got. Process mechanical engineer. I guess I should be happy that I'm getting an opportunity that people would grab immediately. Better pay, better company and better future. Unfortunately, I don't feel happy.

I though it was a phase but turns out I was wrong. I went through the whole being miserable stage at the last job and only got cheery after I handed in my resignation. And I'm going through the same thing again. I'm just not committed to making the job my career. The company is bigger and better than the last and I walked until I got lost in the plant when I was going home. But somehow as big as it is, I feel so claustrophobic and panicking the whole time I was there.

I carried a hope thinking I would like working there but I guess it makes me more sure of switching career path. Since it is a contract thingy, so I decided I'm going to try my best to complete this 1 year contract term and stop looking in this career path anymore.

I don't think I'm suited to working in factories. I find it very cold, sterile and enclosing. You know why I think I'm not suited. 1st, I am not committed to spending hours in this job solving problems. 2nd, I can't find the passion and initiative to give more to the job. 3rd, I am not as ambitious as people to go up a higher level and challenge themselves. 4th, I want a stable job that I can still have time to myself and my family. 5th, I'm not looking for a high paid job just one I can be happy in with moderate pay. I can go on and on. I understand there is much pros in working as an engineer and the opportunities to travel and to gain more knowledge but the cons weighs more to me.

I believe eventually I will find the right career for myself but this is not it. I'm sorry to say it and I'm very disappointed with myself for not being tough or strong enough or determined enough but I'm really not suited for this career path. I'm so sorry for being so silly that I'm always so unhappy and I don't want to be that way...I'm done with engineering. I'll finish up this one year and next year hopefully by this time, I can leave for a happier, less stressful job that will make me feel it is worth it to give my commitment too.

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