Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Of careers and ambitions

Speaking of frogs and wells, I’m kind of worried about the Industrial Training I’m having next year. Since my knowledge on this kind of training is rather limited, I’m kind of afraid of making the wrong choice or getting into a kind of work I don’t like. The more I study, the more I doubt whether I’m capable of doing this line of occupation. I am not really comfortable with all those mathematical stuffs. I’m afraid one day I’ll screw up something when I work in a company that requires precision accurate stuff and I got the numbers wrong? But really…what does an engineer do? The blur I still don’t get the exact occupation I’m currently pursuing.

If you ask me....I’ll tell you I don’t know what to do in my future. I’m either not good in something I like or dislike something I’m good in or the thing I'm good and like doesn't earn much. Till now, if you really ask me what kind of career I actually want, I can answer you a few. There are impractical but fun ones, realistic but boring ones and fascinating but costly to study ones. Once I wrote in an essay I wanted to be a teacher which I don't because the truth is I wouldn’t teach as the students will probably doesn’t get what I teach because I just get nervous standing in front doing the teaching. A doctor is not possible because I don’t think I’m critical enough and smart enough to be a good one and if you aren’t good at something, I figure you shouldn’t do it. Like those half-quality doctors and teachers out there. If I do something I want to be the best not some half-measured fool.

What happen to my dream of being a pharmacist? Poof...that dream has gone away with my meager SPM results. Whatever happened to the dream of owning my own bakery or a wedding studio? Or even to become a travel journalist and travel around the world to see different places or a writer who writes stories that becomes bestsellers?

Those are the dreams of a little girl with too much imagination in mind. There was once a girl with plenty of imaginations and ambitions. That girl is still hidden in me but those dreams you have, you’ll realised sooner or later that it have to be realistic to achieve. The practical and realistic Virgo in me makes me think of everything I need to have to make a dream come true.

It’s not as easy as just a wish under a star that can make your dreams come true. Every dream that came true requires hard work and determination which I don’t have much. Of course since I am born so close to the stars of Libra, my imagination never cease to run amok. I’m always dreaming things can be so different. So I guess maybe I should live life thinking my dreams will come true someday no matter how unlikely it is because if you can dream of it then you can live by it. Does that even make sense?


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