Sometimes I really wonder. Do I actually put on a facade to face people at times.
Is it really the genuine me or am I just hiding under that kind, considerate image?
It's not that I'm mean and spiteful of people but sometimes I truly envy people who can speak their thoughts easily. I find myself caring too much of what people though about me to speak the entire truth. I'm always afraid that people might think less of me and have a bad opinion on me. Of course sometimes my mouth ran first and you'll find yourself regretting words you said to people.
So, it's a matter of I'm too thin skinned and timid. I care too much on how people feel about me until I forgot that I should care about how I feel abut myself too.
All this time, I always put into consideration how my parents would want me to do before I think of myself. Truth to be told, I based my decisions sometimes on that and it gets tired sometimes and you start thinking you should be selfish. But in the end, it's not always about what you want and is what you need.
I just need happiness. I don't need to be bloody rich and famous. I just want to be happy and sometimes, I can't even feel that. Making decisions are never my strong points. I take people's opinions in and sometimes I don't even know if I'm making a choice by myself or according to someone else's opinion. I don't believe that diverging from a path you already planned will make you unhappy though. Sometimes I guess jumping blindfolded seems to be good. I just wish at times, I have the guts to do just that. Being happy is such a simple thing yet so hard to be.