Everything that has been going on...

I haven't been updating for weeks...blame it on laziness. Exam is only 4 weeks away but here I am having plenty of fun when I haven't even finish my bloody studying....I'm so stressed up that I can't seem to concentrate on doing anything that has to do with exams...now I'm also thinking what I'm going to do after my exams...what's next? I don't bloody know that....I'm so freaked out by the whole thing and I'm so going to need to stop whining and grow up. I screwed up big time in the trial examination you know...I've got 2 C's and 2A's.....Almost failed my chemistry which has come as a shock to me considering I'm so fond of it yet unable to score....Need all the time I have to study instead all I do is....have fun...

The past two days all I ever did was have fun....On Friday I went to a religious procession. It's actually called I think The Nine Heavenly Gods Festival...I was a vegetarian for nine days for the festival.....for someone who don't usually eat vegetables to eat them for nine days was pretty much a feat...okay I have been doing it for a few years now so it wasn't really anything. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed eating vegetarian food this year. The procession is nearly the same every year. I took pictures of the procession this year. Basically we are sending the gods back to the place the belong after we worshipped them (I think...) we are sending them back to sea ust like we have invited them to land during the first day...I heard from my uncle that these gods we prayed to are actually humans, a long time ago who were some sorts of pirates who steal from the rich and give it to the poor (some sort like Robin Hood eh..) some emperor ordered them beheaded when they were caught at sea because of course for stealing....so we believe that their souls still exist at sea and we pray to them.

The procession

The ship for the gods

The vehicle decorated with flowers

Then the next day, I went to a Raya open house....This is actually I think the first time I went to a Hari raya Aidilfitri open house. I ate quite a lot of food and cookies and cakes. The cookies were delicious and the cakes were really good.The open house was actually at USM by the Vice Cansellor of USM...his daughter, Suriani was one of my friends....The food was really nice and of course the house was really big and well decorated. I'm a bit envious of the ornaments there as it shows the places they travelled to and the books there are a lot. I wish I could travel to a lot oif places when I grow older.

Look ate the layer cake...it get's you mouth-watering

The cookies in the jars..

See how intricated the cake is made...the details are amazing. A lot of effort just to make the cake

Happy Birthday To ME!!!!! Haha...

Yep...its my birthday....the 21st of September.....my feeling today contrasts to my feelings on Tuesday so much. I finally calmed down after accepting the fact that I'm a sore loser and don't take failure well......Well, today's my birthday and I feel so much better. I woke up thinking "Hey it's my birthday..." I'm really honoured a lot of people remembered my birthday....those who sent those midnight smses...thank you...Those who sang birthday songs for me...thanks and of course to all those presents and angpau....thank you very much....I had a great time today.....at school a lot of people wished me Happy Birthday.....during recess I think was most shocking, my friends at school took out a brthday cake and sang in the canteen a Happy Birthday song...I ate cheesecake...yummy my favourite.....Wan Yin gave me a jelly mooncake as a gift really nice...

My mom bought home a walnut cake and creampuffs and cheese tarts for me on my sweet 19th birthday and.....oh I think I have died and gone to heaven.....but gosh all those food is really fattening....fattening but definitely heavenly haha.....In the evening I went to Hui Ting's house for a swim...I love swimming....We swam and kid around.....Once again another birthday cake and guess what...it's a cheesecake....It's really delicious and they (Hui Ting, Hui Ping, Siaw Ping, Juin and Jane) prepared pizzas, jellies, chocolates and chicken.....fattening but delicious....It was really sweet of them and they gave me a present as well....I had fun....we sang karaoke style and talked about almost everything....from primary school to now.....I think I laughed a lot today....I was happy and well that made me forget about exams and everything else....what's life without friends.......I'll never survive without them....Everyone that I want to wish me Happy Birthday did and I'm so happy no one forgot about it....Thank you so much to everyone and my birthday wish this year is that I hope everyone will always have happiness in their lives and stay happy always...

My birthday cake....

Food...food...It's yummy yet sinful...hehe

So, Happy Birthday To Me!!!!!!!!!! (It's over already...it has already passed 2 in the morning...)

September...a month of woes or joy???

This is definitely not my month this year....I always love September the most of all the months simply because it's my favourite month and it's the month of my birthday....This year I hate it. I hate it because I screwed up everything. I hate it because I am such a failure this month. I hate it because I'm failing my exams. I hate it because I know I could have done better. I have it because I didn't try my best. I hate this...Never have I despised myself so much for failing my exams...it's clearly because I was lazy and while others were striving to get better results I was sleeping all the times and not really concentrating. I hate myself for being such a moron this month...Maybe all this while for being a moron... Chemistry is my favourite subject since Form 4 but I never really done well in chemistry yet I really like it...but now I did so badly in it I just want to give up...I did so badly in all the subjects I feel I am just not good enough in this...I really want to give up now you know....I've studied for almost a year and a half in Form Six but I feel I haven't done anything here that I really think is worth it. But Form Six is a chance to go to a local university and I can't afford anything else unless I can get a scholorship which is only possible with good results...with results like mine where can I go?? Futhermore, it's a chance to prove to myself that I am good at something....that I'm good at something......I'm capable of doing something yet it seems I didn't put all my effort in and I'm so fed up of myself...so fed up with my own attitude. I take things like it is nothing yet it is something. I'm so tired of being so cheerful all the time being so optimistic...I really don't want to do this anymore...I just want to cry......I feel like crying yet I can't cry. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and never wake up......I can't do this anymore. There's just two months left...two bloody months to exams and I'm not even prepared to face it...Let's just face the truth that I'm not smart...I'm not clever.....I'm just lazy and stupid someone who thinks she's good nut she's otherwise....Gosh I feel like dying....my heart is breaking and I feel so so down.....Life isn't all that smooth isn't it...... There's no use in stopping now....never do things in half measures.....I'm going to try but I don't what this would come to......how it would end....I just how I can try to improve myself and have more self-discipline in studying....I just wish I can concentrate and do this......

Rain...rain and keep on raining...

It's been raining for three or more days....if this continues I think a lot of places will be flooded.... I went out yesterday and well it rained too. Went to Queensbay Mall to watch a concert...it's free so I thought I'll check it out....My friend, Hui Ting drove us, four of us me,Hui Ping, Renae and herself there and we went in the mall for a meal.....first we were thinking of having McD but well since it is a Saturday evening and there's a concert going to start outside the mall, the place was pratically crowded with people. Then we decided to have dinner at Sakae Sushi.....it's a Japanese restaurant...this is actually my second time to a Japanese restaurant.... I'm pretty stingy so normally I won't go to restaurants to eat... The restaurant was cool very classy....the meal cost around RM 20...so it wasn't really that expensive as I first thought it is....the food is quite nice....I ate salmon.....salmon rice and salmon sushi...I love salmon fish I don't know why.....We took a walk around the mall window shopping......then we went out to the concert, only three of us as Renae took off shopping for clothes...she came back for the weekend from her Unversity in Perak and went out with us...it stopped raining when we went out....Power Station a Taiwanese duo started the concert...they have really good voices and well they have been in the industry for 10 years so it isn't a surprised at how good they sang....then came the Malaysian singers from The Superstar show....compared to Power Station they were really very bad...I think they are more to the looks than talent...although they don't really look that good as well.....the ironic thing is that when Power Station started the show it didn't rain but as soon as some really untalented singers come out, it starts to rain....this actually goes on again and again until the end of the concert....There were a few really talented singers in the concert such as Soler, from Macau....very handsome both singers from Soler.....also Gary Chow Ge.....he was amazing....his voice was incredible and he's a Malaysian....very few Malaysian singers have good voices and he is one of them.....I really was awed at his performance....he actually sang My Way, an English duet song alone singing the male part and the female part all by himself...and he really was super super great....then we also have Lin Yu Chong...he was really good too...I like his voice as it is really soothing....we also have Justin, Chak Tin from Hong Kong...he was preety good also....I had a great time under the rain watching the concert although some parts of the concert were spoiled by singers who sang quite badly.....the rain started quite heavily at one moment in the concert and we borrowed an umbrella from a few concert wacthers beside us....at one point we even took the banner advertisement from the concert and shield ourselves from the rain with it....it was pretty stupid and funny I know but it all seems really fun doing that.... when it is time to went back...well it was very jammed....we couldn't even come out of the carpark...we were stuck in a jam at the carpark for almost 45 minutes...everyone wants to go home after the concert and it was really jammed...Imagine being stuck in your car for 45 minutes waiting to get out of the carpark which we only were at the third floor...that's really a long time isn't it...but that's how it is.... It's still raining now...I think it won't stop till tomorrow...hopeful it will stop soon or disaster will happen....

Photos of Convo

Pictures From My Mom's Convocation In Tanjung Malim, Perak
(The one I couldn't download last week...idiotic computer..)

My parents and me at my mom's convo in Perak



My mom and me at her uni...UPSI



Don't I look cute in graduation robes...but I'm not even in uni yet..

The rose is nice right.....I look like a tango dancer with the red rose...haha

Balloons....yeah...it's time to party...oops Graduate...


See a graduation teddy bear...so kawaii!!

Isn't the little girl cute.....she looks so sweet and angelic...but with a skeleton on her blouse....ironic...hehehe


My dad....hehehe...don't he look funny in the hat...haha


Look at the flowers......so nice...too bad they die fast...


Oh ya Happy 50th Independence Day, Malaysia......Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!!!!......it's tomorrow, our beloved country's independence day.....the 31st of the month...Month of August 1957...Liberty, liberty forever liberty....and remember to watch the parade on tv....my school band is in the parade performance too....haha

A trip to Tanjong Malim...for convocation

This Monday which was the 20th August 2007, I went to Tanjong Malim for my mom's convocation...yes my MOM....you did not read it wrongly...my mom has graduated from the Masters' programme.....I think that's what it is called....Masters in English Language Education...she's a English teacher.....the trip there was bloody boring and FYI there is nothing in Tanjong Malim...besides the Universiti Pendidikan Sultan Idris...my mom's uni and Proton City (where Proton cars are made) there is nothing in the town....really quiet town unlike Penang with big malls and bustling with activities and people.....there it's kind of more quiet and well since it is so near to the highway...lot's of big jumbo size lorries passing by so if there is noise then tha's vehicles only........I spend a night there in one of the hotels...it's called Hotel Bunga Raya...I couldn't sleep.....it was so near the roads and the vehicles passing by were so so noisy I can't stand it....We stayed there a night and the next morning is my mom's convo....

My dad and I....(only us both...my brother couldn't make it) bought my mom a bouquet of roses with a real cute teddy bear with a graduation hat.....but it was bloody expensive, it cost RM 50 and it was only 6 roses you know....but the flowers were really beautiful...I couldn't resist...who knew flowers were so so lovely...the roses, sunflowers and lilies...gosh they were beautiful...and there's the cute teddy bears...so adorable...I even took a pic of a cute little girl wearing a graduation hat...hehe...then there's this incident...I think it was kind of ridiculous. I was going to enter the hall where my mom's convo is held and I was stopped by the person in charge of letting us the friends and families of the graduates in......it is really idiotic of her, she actually don't alloy me to get in...you know why...because she thinks my skirt was too short and in her term "impolite"...bloody ****.....my skirt was knee length...okay maybe an inch or two above knee length and that's impolite?? I dressed up for my mom's convo with a blouse and a skirt and she said I was dressed up impolitely....to hell with her.....then she allows me to go in and you know what she told me...she told me to sit next to the thick wall so that nobody can see I'm wearing the skirt...it's really funny how some people think...reallly...

My mom's graduation ceremony was so long...I didn't know that it could be that long....at least I get to see the Queen and Princess of Perak....they were really beautiful especially the princess. Overall the trip was a mind opening trip...it shown me how some people are so unreasonable and what a convacation is all about.....many relatives are there to see their sons or daughters graduate.....seeing people wearing those graduation hats make me think when I will have a chance to really wear it....I tried my mom's clothes though hehehe...it's kinda weird on me though hahaha......I took some pictures...I think I took pictures of practically everything I think is interesting...but right now I can't put the pic up

I also just realised the government really takes a lot of toll money....every stop at the toll is really costly......I wonder what they do with the money???.......then there's this construction on the highway...the workers work so slowly you know and they block partically half the road but don't do anything....it's so stupid and lazy of this people......and the government pays them for nothing....they spend days doing construction on these roads yet nothing is really completed yet....totally stupid....

Red Cherry

Two blogs in one day...I have gone crazy...it's just that I have so much to say....although I think no one reads my blog....just myself I think to relieve what I have kept in my mind....it's quite burdening to keep it all in....

Red cherry...it' a movie on the Nazi's and their invasion of Russia....these movie is all about two Chinese children sent to study in Russia....it wass really a lot of hardship to learn Russian language and well being invaded by Germans make things even worst....the movie was just slightly graphical...it was gruesome to see children being gunned down...there was one teenager who tried to save all his friends that he was being shelled with hundreds of bullet when the German soldiers caught him.....it was horrifying...then there was the teacher who was shot in front of her students for daring to defy the orders of the Germans by asking the children to go back into class and trying to save them.....it is nothing but the truth when we are at war...the people who suffer the most are children....starvation and homeless...the movie show the torture of war...a young girl...her name is ChuChu in the movie...she was caught by the Germans and almost was killed but she survived yet she was tattoed with the symbol of the Nazi's and had to suffer the most extreme humilation.....the tattoo was tattoed to her back and she was extremely humilated by it....her suffering was just too much she actually try to erased the tattoo by scrubbing her skin to a rough wall and even trying to burn her back with a smoldering stick.....that's what war does to you....humilation and suffering...she survived till 63 yet the tattoo was still on her back...doctors try to graft out the skin but the tattoo was too big and she suffered the hardship of war even after the war ended...extreme humilation....

I didn't experience war and I never want to.....but you have to learn from the past...war brings nothing but destruction....Malaysia suffered through war too before gaining her independence. Our country suffered much to gain independence yet nowadays no one appreciate the freedom we have instead they misuse it...abuse their rights as free independent people......I use to think that way too.....but watching Red Cherry and other war films and reading newspapers makes me realise how we mislittled the importance of independence....withou it, we can't do what we want, how to rule the country and how to live if we didn't gain independence.....that what's independence has given us yet we don't appreciate it....growing up I think I learn a lot has been sacrificed for independence....it's our 50th independence day and we definitely should try to help our country in any way we can...even if our country is not good enough...you know grass is always greener on the other side....that's what you always will think.....but when we crossed the other side we'll realise it's just the same....Learn to appreciate Malaysia...we have our faults yes...lots of them but we should learn from the mistakes and help correct them not crictised ourself for it...it's funny how we crictised but never look at ourself....Sometimes I do too....I may not appreciate independence like some who experience war in the the past but I understand how hard it was....I hope one day Malaysian really understand the true spirit of Merdeka....we are unique yet we don't understand the importance of unity among all races.....You don't crictised other races' belief and culture....respect and understand......Unity is power.....we should learn to respect people's culture as they respect yours......We are Malaysia...we make what Malaysia will be....the spirit of Merdeka is up to us.....learn the meaning of MERDEKA!!!!