Pensive night...

A new year, a new beginning, a new journey.

It's March already. How time flies and gone by. Graduation was like 6 months ago. Seems the moment of elation of graduating has pass by to be filled with worries for the future.

Feeling positive tonight. I wonder why? I just feel that way.

I've been feeling sad and happy on and off that I am beginning to feel I suffer from bi-polar disease. =.=

The new job is fine. It might be great for a lot of people. Good pay, good benefits and stable job. I just feel 'fine' fine. I am very thankful for the job offer and the confidence of the manager in me handling the work. I'm however less enthusiastic of the job scope. I imagine I can do this for a certain period of time but not for my entire life. I know what I am capable of and I'm definitely not stupid. Still I'm not satisfied with this kind of living. I keep asking myself am I just taking the easy way out? How confident are you that you will be happy if you changed career? The truth is I will never know until I try it. And I want to. I want to just experience something different for once and see if I can.

I keep asking myself if money is more important than happiness. The answer is however that having money is also a kind of happiness. >.< But money is not everything. Or so I believe.

I have been pondering and wondering for this 6 months on how I want to walked on in life and I still haven't gotten a right answer. I am not very fond of the 'what ifs' but I'm thinking a lot about them lately that it is frustrating me. I've made up my mind and changed them far too often. I have set myself a goal that I'm not sure I will reach but is stubbornly trying to achieve. I always knew I lack courage and determination. So I'm praying for guidance and courage. And pray everything will go as plan (which they 99% of the time never do.) and maybe for once just listen to my heart.

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Of jobs and careers

Hi. My first 2013 post and I'm always here again blogging about unhappy events :(

I mentioned at the last post  that I'm switching to another job. This job is almost like the 1st one I got. Process mechanical engineer. I guess I should be happy that I'm getting an opportunity that people would grab immediately. Better pay, better company and better future. Unfortunately, I don't feel happy.

I though it was a phase but turns out I was wrong. I went through the whole being miserable stage at the last job and only got cheery after I handed in my resignation. And I'm going through the same thing again. I'm just not committed to making the job my career. The company is bigger and better than the last and I walked until I got lost in the plant when I was going home. But somehow as big as it is, I feel so claustrophobic and panicking the whole time I was there.

I carried a hope thinking I would like working there but I guess it makes me more sure of switching career path. Since it is a contract thingy, so I decided I'm going to try my best to complete this 1 year contract term and stop looking in this career path anymore.

I don't think I'm suited to working in factories. I find it very cold, sterile and enclosing. You know why I think I'm not suited. 1st, I am not committed to spending hours in this job solving problems. 2nd, I can't find the passion and initiative to give more to the job. 3rd, I am not as ambitious as people to go up a higher level and challenge themselves. 4th, I want a stable job that I can still have time to myself and my family. 5th, I'm not looking for a high paid job just one I can be happy in with moderate pay. I can go on and on. I understand there is much pros in working as an engineer and the opportunities to travel and to gain more knowledge but the cons weighs more to me.

I believe eventually I will find the right career for myself but this is not it. I'm sorry to say it and I'm very disappointed with myself for not being tough or strong enough or determined enough but I'm really not suited for this career path. I'm so sorry for being so silly that I'm always so unhappy and I don't want to be that way...I'm done with engineering. I'll finish up this one year and next year hopefully by this time, I can leave for a happier, less stressful job that will make me feel it is worth it to give my commitment too.

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Confused

So I got through what I would say is a phase of depression

I stop feeling sorry for myself...maybe still a little bit. But hey...I'm neurotic in that way.

I'm writing this because frankly, I don't have anyone to talk to about it now. No one who can offer me advice or some perspective on the jobs. So here I am letting go of what I think here.

I got a job. In fact I'm starting next week although I haven't sign the offer yet.

 

But fate just have to play with me. I got a job interview from a big multinasional company, one of the big players in Penang. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the interview and went. It made me think of the what ifs.

What does my heart tell me? I'm not sure. Obviously getting into a bigger company will have better pay, benefits and stuff but the thing is I'm still at the interview stage only. It's still pending and there's no guarantee I'm getting the job. On the other hand, the small company has confirmed everything for me.

Thus the confusion. I don't know who to talk to right now. I've already gotten a job and done the medical checkup and whatnot. If I would take the risk and drop the job wouldn't that just be bad manners to the company and the what-ifs comes into mind. What if the MNC rejects me too? So continue being jobless?

And then the company drop me another bomb. Ask me to go for another interview for another position. Every damn thing is still pending. So what do I do now. How to make choices when you're confused? I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision. 

Should I just go to the smaller company where the pay is lower and benefits less and give it a shot? Should I or should I not? 

But come to think of it, I sort of have a decision made but I still feel wasted. I think I'll give myself a chance to go for the interview and then start working at the small company. Go for the experience even if I have went to like gazillions of these interviews. I'm following my heart but why does it feel so heavy?

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K-drama-ing

What's new about watching Korean dramas? Hmm...if you knwo me then you will know I'm a big K-pop fan. 

But I'm not someone who will watch drama series for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I like watching dramas. It's just that I prefer something I can finish in a short amount of time than waiting for the series to go on every week. But, if I got the whole series then somehow I still don't watch it. It's weird. I think I'm weird.

I'm peculiar. And if someone I don't like is in the drama or movie, I will try not to watch it. It's like I try to avoid watching it so that my perspective of that person won't change. >.< Proofs that I'm a stubborn bitch. I guess I'm bitchy in many ways. Better not say in what ways here. :P

Back to the topic, K-dramas....I have lots of good dramas in my external hard disk waiting to be watch but I started on three which is still airing. Crazy waiting for them to air every week. 

Started watching Reply 1997 today. Hmmm...started because I was influenced by the good reviews of netizens. After watching the 1st two episodes, I think the drama should be good. I can related to it even though during the year 1997, I was just 9 years old. The drama does portray the average teenagers accurately even if it was 15 years ago. Funny and meaningful. Those were the days.... 

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Choosy~~

So here's the thing.

I'm back for 2 months and I'm still jobless...by choice.
I wrote a pretty emotional post 2 weeks ago which I have pull into draft. Too PG18...haha

So why jobless by choice? I'm still trying to get a job that suits me and is at a suitable distance from my house. I got one which wanted me to start in July. Can't do that then cos my mom was sick and I had to be home. Then got one that was way too far to be considered as long term. Of course there was one who chose a course-mate over me. I still think it's their loss :P

So here I am still looking for a job going to interviews and interviews. My dad says I will soon go to all the companies in Penang for interviews. I went to quite a few and I felt I like a few of them but so far no offer.

I got over being offended by what people say of me still not finding a job because in the end, I'm the one working and not you. I rather be working at a place I like and can do well than being miserable at the workplace and sulking and of course some place that pays me well enough and have room for advancement. Now I'm practically rolling my eyes when my relatives ask me if I found a job yet. Got sick of hearing the phrase so often that I don't even mind anymore..kekeke.

I believe in my own ability and if a company recognises it then they will hire me. Simple as that.

So a wait it shall be.

Good things come to those who waits~~~

Bidding goodbye...

It kinda sad to be leaving the university. After 4 years here, it's hard not to be sentimental. I'll miss the place, the people and the quietness. I got used to the routine life here but there's another path I need to go on right now.

Goodbye to everyone in the university and thank you for being a part of my life and I hope to see some if not all of you one day. May everyone be blessed with good health and love. I'll miss everything. The good and the bad...

Goodbye is the saddest word I'll ever hear... It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye~~

Goodbye everyone and take care...I hope to see you all someday. <3 Annyeong...

Total eclipse of the moon

Post 404

Did anyone watch the eclipse of the moon yesterday?

I spend almost the whole night staring at it. Haha...

Shall keep it as a memory of my uni life.

Spend the night looking at the moon and talking to my roomie.

Got my neck aching looking at it though..haha.

Great windy night with an awesome view.

Somehow I feel energised and have less worries.

I'm going to try my best studying for the upcoming exams.

Hwaiting!!!!

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Energy-less

You know how an Energizer bunny runs on battery? That's how I feel yesterday. Running on battery just that the battery has already reach low battery status before I reached home.

After a day of work, I still went out with the girls from SGGS. I thought I still have energy to do this kind of stuff but it seems I am not longer very interested with clubbing. There's just the excitement of spending time with my friends and no longer going in to clubs.

Have I gone old? Hahaha...I think this kind of stuff no longer suits me (not that I ever was a clubbing kaki). I pretty much was getting sleepy at 1 something am last night. I got too used to sleeping before 12 for work. Haiz... I got back at 3am yesterday. I sleep like a log till this morning.

The best discovery of yesterday is knowing I can't no longer handle much alcohol. I drank 4 short glasses and fantastically I vomited. =.= Seriously, why do people drink alcohol when it taste sucky and bitter and you get a burning taste when it goes down your throat?

All in all, yesterday night was an experience. A first for many people and I did have fun before I got sick of the alcohol but the club was a little disappointing. Not as fun I would have thought.

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Forgive and forget? NOT!!

A recent event remind me of something that happened very very long in the past. I have always known that I'm not a person who forgive and forget. I may forgive sometimes but I don't forget or I might forget but I don't forgive (if I remember it).

There was a chance of winning in primary school in some sport event. To a 10 year old girl that time who train super hard for it, it's hard to forget how we almost win but did not. There's always the resentment in my mind that someone cause the lose. Well, this was eons ago but I can remember it clearly still. Maybe it's myself that cause a loss but I don't care....I'm a sore loser....haha.

I will always dislike the person and that is something I can't help but do. There are many instance in life that someone said something to hurt me or offend me and seriously if I really resent it, I will remember it. It's like a wound that will always leave a scar.

Revengeful aren't I..

It's just the same like how sometimes I might say something to offend someone or hurt them. It won't change much even if I apologise because some things just can't be erased. There will always be a scar in your heart. Just like how the scar would slowly fade in time, then you'll slowly forget about it not necessarily you already forgiven that person...

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The trouble with LI

LI stands for Latihan Industri or better known in English as Industrial Training. I was going to put IT but it sounds so weird. Haha.

Remember me saying that I have two supervisors? The trouble with having two supervisors is that there is twice the amount of work load. I like having work to do at working hours but when there is two things happening at once it is not good. There are 2 trainees with the same supervisor and they are doing one person's job divided by two and me doing two person's job divided by one. "Really fantastic."


Technically I only have one supervisor but he assigned me to another person so I consider the other person as my supervisor as well since he is the one who taught me stuff and all. But supervisor No.1 also assigned me work and it's something very long winded and needs lots of follow up.

Since both of them are teaching me things and I should be glad for it...better than those who just ignore you. It's just that it makes me really divided and confused sometimes to do this first or do that first.

Well, I guess for 3 months I just have to deal with it. It's an experience and a well worth learning time for me. Just imagine if I ever become an engineer in the future, I think I'll go nuts. Maybe I should just stick to teaching next time.

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My internship: Month 1

Oh gosh, it's been a month already. I have wanted to blog about it since the 1st week but I guess I was so lazy. After working for 5 days a week from 8am to 5.30pm and getting stuck in the traffic jam afterwards before reaching home at 7pm, it's really tiring and my brain just didn't want to thinking of words to write.

Time flies. It seems like yesterday that I started on my 1st day at Motorola interning. It's one month already. Wow. 2 more months to go. I'm actually starting to like it actually.

I learnt quite a few stuff. I'm currently in the production line learning the ropes on the process and operations in the factory. There is still a lot that I can learn. Sometimes, my supervisor would tell me so many new things I have never heard of and I will go blur until he has to explain what it is.

It is great to get to learn rather than doing nothing. I like being busy at work. At least it is better than sitting in front of the computer doing nothing. The supervisor did ask me if working in production is boring since most of the things there is routine stuff. I don't think it is boring and I like routine..hehe. For the 1st week though, I actually spend a lot of time in front of the computer reading documents related to the production line. That was a little boring. Besides, there is still much I haven't learn and it is not exactly routine now because I haven't understand it all.

Motorola seems great except for it's not so nice uniform and it's location some 18km from my house. The traffic jam from my house to the industrial area is so hectic and every single road leading to Motorola is full of traffic. Besides that, pretty much anything I can handle. Oh ya, I do have 2 supervisors. One the actual one and one who I'm under everyday. So basically two of them give me work to do and well, it gets a little hectic at times but overall it is okay.

One important thing I learnt from the internship is I'm not very good with people. I've always know that I'm not a people-person because I'm not too friendly and I can't socialise well. So, the main problem in working at a factory as big as Motorola is communicating with others. It's scary. I need to buff up on talking to people or at least try. 1 month there and I still don't know of so many people in the office. Sucks right? And operators do bitch about people behind their backs. God knows what they say about me. The 1st shift operators would bitch about the other shift and vise versa. They even talk about the engineers though I usually don't listen and walk away.

My driving skill improve though but it's more like my driving has turn violent. I do cut queue even if I used to have this rule to myself to not cut queue. Guess the rule is broken. I got in late a few times to work. It was just a few minutes late though. I woke up late once at 7am and got a shock but miraculously I reach on time. I usually wake up at 6.30 and leave at 7.05 but that day I left at 7.15 and the 10 minutes does make a difference on road. The road would be even more jammed. I change route though so I reach in time at the dot.

In interning, I realised I don't remember much about what I learn in uni thus I'm starting over. Sometimes when the supervisor ask me whether I know about this or that, to tell you the truth, I did study about it but since it was some subject in the 1st year of uni or 2nd year, I don't remember much. I did learn how to use more of Microsoft Excel..haha. Supervisor said it is very useful. I'm kind of silly and he ended up teaching me how to sort data the easy way.

So, 1 month...I haven't learn much but I'm trying to learn more. Hopefully I get to learn a lot because that way it would be a great experience and not a waste of time.

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Exams are over..Phew

The nightmare is over. For some of you, exams haven't even started but mine has ended. Good luck with yours. Well, I only took 3 papers this semester but 3 of them are so tough I'm dreading the results. I read all that I can but I went in to the exam hall nervous to end up with frustration inside and leave in devastation. Stressful week, I was so freaked out with the papers that I couldn't sleep at night. I'm praying for my pointer not to go down.

The paper I had most confidence in was terrible. The questions weren't straight forward and I had to think and think but I still can't give a satisfying answer. Economics, law, ethics....I seriously am bad at it. Ethics was the worst, I didn't know what kind of answer I should give it. Haiz..forget about it..it's already over. let bygones be bygones.

Meanwhile, don't know if this is good or bad news. I've secured a place for my 3 months internship. It starts in 5 days. I'm going to be working in Motorola. I'm kinda scared about it. I wonder how bad will I do in the internship? Let's just hope I'm prepared to enter into the working society. I'm afraid of making mistakes and just suck at work. What if I don't know everything they ask me to do? Or screw up something simple? Or panic over presentation with managers and supervisors? Or got messed up because of work politics? (If you ask me, the socialising and communicating part scares me the most) I guess I'm going there to learn. I should open my golden mouth and ASK ASK ASK and just smile.

I got 3 calls from different companies. I would have chosen Benchmark if they had replied me early because I get to go into the Applied Material department. Still don't know where Motorola is putting me in. I prefer QC or research but I guess I'm going into production. Gotten a call from Knowles too which came so late. I've already accepted Motorola and rejected Benchmark for more than 2 weeks before it came. It would have been nice if I had a chance to choose. Envious of those with high pay and short working time but mine is okay. RM545 is moderate enough for me. Enough to foot my petrol bills and food.

Which reminds me, do you know where Motorola is located? Because I didn't until just now. I went there to get my forms and letters and guess what? I got lost in the Industrial Zone. So so so so many factories. I looked around in awe and horror. I saw so many other factories but I couldn't find Motorola. I did Google it's location but I took a wrong turn and WaLah I ended up in another Industrial Zone. I think I got to the wrong zone. I circled through BBraun, Knowles, Benchmark, AME, AMD, Amephenol, Phillips, Osram and so many more factories before I stopped and ask a security guard to just point the way. I wasted plenty of petrol and plenty of my time. Motorola is so far from my house. Very near the sea. The place is so jammed after work...so many people leaving after work. More than 1 hour away but all of the factories ARE 1 hour away from my house. Who ask me live so far? No choice geh...haizz...

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Sushi and Shopping...

I went shopping again today...haha. I've been going to so many shopping malls lately. I am back for the weekend with Pei Mun (uni is too boring, we had to come back for some fun) and we went shopping for CNY clothes even though I already got like 6 outfits already. ^^ She has not bought any thus this trip is more for her than me.

I didn't buy any clothes though. I did buy a pair of shoes. But that's later down in my post. First, I'll like to pay tribute to Sushi King for giving me a chance to have cheap and nice sushi. Hehe.

Salmon Temaki...yum yum.

Love this...it's crunchy with sesame seed and the salmon is great.
(Can you tell I love salmon?...haha)

This was sweet and nicer than I expected.

Cheesy Fish Roe Sushi

Koebi....fried tempura prawns

Curry chicken with cheese. ^^

Bento Set Pei Mun ate...

It's my first time at Prangin Mall's Sushi King. The service was not bad although the food came quite slow. The food at this chain store was pretty good. (It's so much better than the Sakae Sushi at Gurney...that was just not nice.) We spend around RM 5o something eating there and thanks to a borrowed Sushi King card, we get to save around Rm5. I love discounts!!!

We did went around three shopping malls shopping, Prangin Mall, Komtar, and 1st Avenue. (I'm annoyed that Cotton On hasn't open its store yet. I'm waiting for it.) I did found a pair of shoe. I saw another that I like better but that was over RM50, I'm stingy...I'll wait till I come back right before CNY to go check out if there's a sale then. Kekeke. But I did buy a pair for RM39.90. I don't know if it's a mistake but what the heck, I'll just enjoy this shopping mood of mine. ^__^

The shoe. Does it look lala to you?? Hehe...I'm suddenly thinking it does?!

And here's one of my CNY clothes that I bought. Mom bought it for me at the market. Love the colour and the empire waist that hides my belly fat. Haha. I still want to buy a pair of shorts, a pair of ballerina flats and one white dress. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm having the urge to buy a white dress. Still searching for the right one. One that doesn't show I'm fat and is affordable will be the right one. :)))))

I'll include this pineapple tarts into this post simply because I want to...haha. Grandma bought it for me from KL a month ago at Tong Kee Bakery. I love their egg-tarts and these pineapple tarts are pretty nice too. A bit sweet though. Suitable for people with sweet tooth.

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Happy New Year 2011 !!!

May everyone have a wonderful, fantastic and amazing year this year.

May 2011 bring joy, happiness, peace, love and laughter to everyone all over the world.

My wish is for everyone to be healthy and happy. Those still studying to do well in their studies. Those working to have a great career. And also may my exam results get better and better.
(If possible please give me a 4.0GPA ^^)


Happieee New Year 2011 everybody!!!

It's Christmas Eve..

Not in much of a Christmas mood but here's a song that makes me feel more Christmassy.

I love the music. It's the typical jingle bells of Christmas and makes me feel more happy listening to it.

Not much of a fan of After School (They are pretty though..hehe) but this song keeps playing in my mind and now becomes my favourite Christmas song this season.

~~ Sarangeul mideoyo~Taeeona Cheoeumeuro~Say that you'll always love me~~

Enjoy this song from After School...Love Love Love.

Merry Christmas everyone <3

Exam season

This semester I'm having exams later than other people in local government uni. I actually have a 3 week break before exams. You'll say "Hmm..plenty of time to revise" right? Sadly, it wasn't the case for me as I only started studying on Thursday.

Well, almost everyone of my friends has finished exams except me by my first paper which make me even more mood-less to do revisions for exams. Haiz.....shall do my best though.

Next Thursday is my first paper. It's the one I dread the most. Fluid Mechanics. I really hope studying and revising now would still be enough. Cross my fingers.

Wish me lots and lots of luck. I'll study hard this whole week. I believe if there's a will, there's always a way. ^__^

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam!!!

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Something random for today.

I went window shopping alone. I decided to go shopping alone yesterday night before I went to bed. So, I took a trip all the way down to QB this morning.

Bumped into a friend from uni who probably thought I was crazy and pathetic to go shopping alone. (I think the same way too but who cares right?) Usually it would be fun for me to go explore and try out clothes that I don't think will look nice on me but I wanna try anyway because there's only me. No one to see how fat or miserable or weird I look in the outfit. Unfortunately, today I wasn't in a mood for trying out clothes. Besides, I wouldn't resist the temptation to buy some if I went in clothing stores.

So, I turn into Borders. It's cold in there and I love the books there. It's just that books there don't have discount. I remember books use to be cheap. What happened? =.= I would have loved to binge on food like Kenny Rogers or walk in to Sushi King and eat sushi but I'm a little tight on money. I bought some sushi from Jusco and enjoy them just the same. Wander around into cosmetic and facial shops where the sales girls look at me like I'm some kind of idiot. (Must be the no make-up and blur face which frighten them.)

Then, munching on a piece of pretzel, I decided to just leave after buying sushi, a book, some cream cheese and bread (Couldn't resist the temptation of books. They are a bigger threat compare to clothes and shoes. The cheese is for the cheesecake that I'm going to make and the bread my breakfast for tomorrow. ^^) I could have stayed longer but it would mean me spending more cash which I'm trying to avoid. It was so boring to be at home all the time and it was just a trip to get some air, walk and eat. Haha..

End of story...

P.S. Let me show you my biggest indulgence. This is what usually depletes my pocket money. Heaps and heaps of fiction novels. I lost count of how many I bought.

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Late..I know

Remember how I said that I was going to update soon.

Yeah...it was supposed to be like last Tuesday or Wednesday but unfortunately I fell sick.

Like very sick. Vomited like 4 times in a day and was feeling so cold. Hate that feeling very very much. I hate being sick and not being able to do anything.

Luckily after a few days of sleeping, eating meds and not feeling well enough to eat anything but oats, I'm feeling okay. Thanks to Pei Mun and Siew Yin for taking care of me when I was sick. Making me porridge and asking me to eat and all...

I'll get even better in a few more days since I'm home and can enjoy a little stress-free days at home before facing the final exams.

Shall update on what I did on Monday when I feel like it :)

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Really Ben 10 today...

Today was really idiotic,foolish, silly and stupid.

Three of us took the wrong bus to class. Instead of to Dragon, we went to Kg Wai. Should have just got down the bus when it turn into the junction to Kg Wai but no, we took the bus all the way there. Like so free go tour...=.=

I'm going to blame it on the girl at the front seat who when we asked said the bus was going to Dragon. How irritating...

But partly our fault for not confirming with the bus driver.

So blur this morning...and really Ben 10....

I already know something was wrong when I got up the bus because there's no one we know. Should have trust my own instincts and got down from the bus.

Luckily Pei Key came to the rescue...drove from Wang Ulu to Kg Wai and fetch us to class.

Thank you so much Pei Key!! *Hugs and kisses*

If it wasn't for the quiz this morning, I think I'll just have ponteng the class. =.=

P.S. Ben 10= stupid/idiotic or rather pern tan in hokkien. Ben 10 is actually a cartoon character my lil cousin likes to watch. ^^

I

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Those were the days....

It's funny how I like to tell stories about my high school life. How I like to reminisce and remember about how much life in school really means to me. It's weird that when I talk about primary and secondary school, I can never stop talking about it. I don't have much memories left of school because I'm really forgetful =.= Haha...but from what I still remember, I had a great time in school with my friends.

I keep telling people I know in uni about it and even I feel a bit weird how I keep reminiscing a bout my school life in Penang.

It's silly how I keep wanting to live in the past and how I miss it very very much. I think I really do like talking and thinking about those days in school. That's a part of my life that has gone by and shall really be missed.

(Can you spot me in the photo? The one with the 'yeng' pose...haha)

Those were the days~~~ way back then....

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