The Poor Cat...

It's weird that I'm writing a post about a cat and super random as well. Oh well, I am random.

And I hated the cat. We shall call it my neighbour's cat.

Ever since my neighbour moved in, they have a yellow stripped cat which looks annoyingly like Garfield.

In fact it is as fat as Garfield. 

Why do I hate it? Personally I'm not really fond of cats especially when I lived in Perlis where the cats can jump onto the table to get a swipe at your food or the cats walking into the hostel like it is their home.

But this cat of my neighbour, it actually jump from the balcony next door to my house, walked through the open glass door and got into the kitchen and ate my mom's Belacan (shrimp paste) bought from Thailand. How scary is that? It's like an intruder into the house. One more thing is when I go out for work and somehow it ran out from his house but ended up coming back to the wrong house into my house and it was sleeping at the door so when I open the door, it looks at me with those scary eyes. Creepy you know. Which is why I hated it.

As much as I hate it, I don't think it deserves the treatment it got. The neighbour used to pamper it and when it ran out from their home, they actually posted a Missing Cat poster at our flats. But when their new baby came, they actually banished it from the home. Can you imagine a homegrown cat suddenly left in the wild. It was huge but it was afraid of cats size smaller than it. It looked silly when I saw the white cat which is smaller than it chasing it. Some aunties do occasionally bring leftover to fed those cats down at my flats and it ended up getting leftovers with the wild cats. Finally after being down there for so long, it became friends with the wild cats haha.

Now apparently some guy kicked it and it got scared and jumped and landed wrongly and died. Poor cat. I feel that the neighbours are so irresponsible for abandoning it. Why get a cat when you will throw it away whenever you want. Aninals are living beings too. If you want to adopt a pet, please take care of your pets. if not, don't bother getting a pet. RIP Ugly Garfield-like cat.

Time is the father of all truths

The quote time is the father of all truth really inspire me.

I recently just listen to it on the radio and realise that is it pretty much the truth. Pardon the pun.

It's true that with time, you will learn to see what's right and what's wrong. 

With time, you will realise whether you believe in what you do or not. 

With time, you will realise that without passion, there's just no love or interest.

With time, you grow wiser or less stupid in my case,

With time, you learn that plans require efforts,

With time, you learn nothing comes without sacrifice,

And with time you will realise what you want now might not be what you want in the future.

I'm very fond of philosophy and now I wonder why I didn't pursue a career in that.

Hah...I'm just jack of all trades and master of none. 

A lil bit here and there. 

Total nonsense.

....

I should have faith in myself....

Somehow when I vowed not to come back to this place, I'm back. =.=

I said goodbye to this chapter of my life but I can't seem to move on to the next chapter of my life.

My friends told me not to lose faith and cheer up. That nothing is impossible.

My family just tell me to be me, to make my own decisions as it is my own life.

A senior told me to follow my heart and I won't be wrong. That even if I am then I won't regret it. 

The truth is I am following my heart and I do wonder if my decisions do sometimes fail me.

Do I lose myself in the process of making decisions or suffer from the consequences of the choices I made?

I know I shouldn't feel sad over things passed. Let bygones be bygones. (and I almost forgot that's what I always say in the past)

I need to have a new perspective in my life and trust everything will go well.

I should get out from this emotional mess and be courageous. 

Whatever will be will be. If there's a will, there's always a way.

Hwaiting, Ganbatte, Jia You!!!!

 

Through the rain, there's a brighter day.

So miserable that it's funny

It's funny.

I started this blog to show myself that I have many happy memories and I want to remember them through here. But it seems the blog has taken a very depressing state through a depressing period of my life. I think I made myself depressed.

It's funny.

Funny how I can think too much and become so emotional in seconds. I have a new skill now. The ability to cry in 30 seconds. It's true. I can do that...make it 20 seconds and I'll still be able to do it.

It's funny.

Right now I'm feeling just fine. But you'll never know tomorrow. I was sitting and talking with a friend just now during dinner. It was all happy chit-chatting and suddenly my emotions swerved into a different direction that I feel so down and almost cried.

It's funny.

I can write about this now because I got fed-up of myself being such an idiot. So what if no one wants to hire me now. So what if I'm still sitting at home doing nothing. So what if I'm not as capable as some people earning money. 

It's funny.

I still care of what people think of me and maybe too much at that too. Too much that it made me so low esteemed about it. That I worry of what people think of me. That I worry that my parents worry about me. That I disappoint them in so many ways. That I can't give them a good life. 

It's funny.

I'm actually afraid of starting a new chapter in life and worrying over something that isn't going to happen in another 20 years. Worrying and not actually taking on a challenge and be brave, be positive, and believe that I can.

It's so funny until it is not funny anymore......

I think I'm going through a depression state.

It seems I can never feel happy enough. One minute I feel happy, the other I feel down.

I worry about this and that yet I do nothing to solve it.

I guessed I'm a worrywart and I tend to aim too high.

But then that's who I am isn't it? 

Aim for the stars but if you can't at least you reach the moon.

Let's face reality, eventually I'll need to work and make a living.

Can't rely on anyone to live your life.

...

K-drama-ing

What's new about watching Korean dramas? Hmm...if you knwo me then you will know I'm a big K-pop fan. 

But I'm not someone who will watch drama series for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I like watching dramas. It's just that I prefer something I can finish in a short amount of time than waiting for the series to go on every week. But, if I got the whole series then somehow I still don't watch it. It's weird. I think I'm weird.

I'm peculiar. And if someone I don't like is in the drama or movie, I will try not to watch it. It's like I try to avoid watching it so that my perspective of that person won't change. >.< Proofs that I'm a stubborn bitch. I guess I'm bitchy in many ways. Better not say in what ways here. :P

Back to the topic, K-dramas....I have lots of good dramas in my external hard disk waiting to be watch but I started on three which is still airing. Crazy waiting for them to air every week. 

Started watching Reply 1997 today. Hmmm...started because I was influenced by the good reviews of netizens. After watching the 1st two episodes, I think the drama should be good. I can related to it even though during the year 1997, I was just 9 years old. The drama does portray the average teenagers accurately even if it was 15 years ago. Funny and meaningful. Those were the days.... 

....

Choosy~~

So here's the thing.

I'm back for 2 months and I'm still jobless...by choice.
I wrote a pretty emotional post 2 weeks ago which I have pull into draft. Too PG18...haha

So why jobless by choice? I'm still trying to get a job that suits me and is at a suitable distance from my house. I got one which wanted me to start in July. Can't do that then cos my mom was sick and I had to be home. Then got one that was way too far to be considered as long term. Of course there was one who chose a course-mate over me. I still think it's their loss :P

So here I am still looking for a job going to interviews and interviews. My dad says I will soon go to all the companies in Penang for interviews. I went to quite a few and I felt I like a few of them but so far no offer.

I got over being offended by what people say of me still not finding a job because in the end, I'm the one working and not you. I rather be working at a place I like and can do well than being miserable at the workplace and sulking and of course some place that pays me well enough and have room for advancement. Now I'm practically rolling my eyes when my relatives ask me if I found a job yet. Got sick of hearing the phrase so often that I don't even mind anymore..kekeke.

I believe in my own ability and if a company recognises it then they will hire me. Simple as that.

So a wait it shall be.

Good things come to those who waits~~~

ICXRI 2012

The ICXRI 2012 participants and organisers.

Having passion on something is great.

After attending my first science conference, ICXRI 2012; an International Conference of X-ray In Research and Industries, I felt that I have so much more to learn. 3 days of sitting inside the Vistana hotel ballroom listening to a bunch of researchers and students; old and young does give a certain perspective on material engineering. I find out that what I learn for these 4 years were just too shallow. There's so much more to learn and science even in material science is such a wide field waiting to be explored.

It's amazing how people have great ideas and visions. It is a really great experience and a chance to see how passionate people are in creating new things and being happy. Having passion matters because if you're not passionate in what you do, you'll hate it. 

Listening to the researchers and presenters giving their say on the fields they are working in is interesting, educational and eye opening. (Not all of them though. Some are just plain boring.) Having good food for tea breaks and lunches didn't hurt either. Meeting new friends along the way and learning something new about oneself.

The presenters seems to have a lot of fun in what they were doing; researching and traveling. You can do something you like and have fun at the same time. When will I ever feel that passionate about something?

I went to ICXRI 2012 because my lecturer registered me for it. Without that, I wouldn't have thought of joining considering it is RM450 to join a conference. I committed myself to go in and learn something and realise a stubborn part of me refuse to change. It's like I'm still stuck in that small world feeling sorry for myself and not wanting to step outside the box.

I meet some interesting characters, PhD students/lecturers who were dedicated and enthusiastic on their work. People who realise the value of simply happy. I hope someday I can find the same passion and dedication to be happy as well whether I'm working or studying. I hope maybe one day I can continue my post-grad degree to but for now I'm taking the easiest route of entering the working life.

Seniors from UniMAP at both ends and the two girls are PhD students I've just got to know.

The postgrad seniors from UniMAP at the conference. I get to tag along.

Poster presentation of my thesis hanging with other posters. Kinda make me proud even though mine was petty and lousy in terms of quality.

The Poster I made.

Sometimes I really wonder. Do I actually put on a facade to face people at times.

Is it really the genuine me or am I just hiding under that kind, considerate image?

It's not that I'm mean and spiteful of people but sometimes I truly envy people who can speak their thoughts easily. I find myself caring too much of what people though about me to speak the entire truth. I'm always afraid that people might think less of me and have a bad opinion on me. Of course sometimes my mouth ran first and you'll find yourself regretting words you said to people.

So, it's a matter of I'm too thin skinned and timid. I care too much on how people feel about me until I forgot that I should care about how I feel abut myself too.

All this time, I always put into consideration how my parents would want me to do before I think of myself. Truth to be told, I based my decisions sometimes on that and it gets tired sometimes and you start thinking you should be selfish. But in the end, it's not always about what you want and is what you need.

I just need happiness. I don't need to be bloody rich and famous. I just want to be happy and sometimes, I can't even feel that. Making decisions are never my strong points. I take people's opinions in and sometimes I don't even know if I'm making a choice by myself or according to someone else's opinion.  I don't believe that diverging from a path you already planned will make you unhappy though. Sometimes I guess jumping blindfolded seems to be good. I just wish at times, I have the guts to do just that. Being happy is such a simple thing yet so hard to be.

To be updated

On my update list

Book review on Garden Spell by Sarah Addison Allen.

Don't have time to update lately. Shall update soon.

Just friends?

And sometimes you wonder when friends are truly real friends.

When in the end all they want is just benefits of being your friend. I'm not saying you have to repay your friends with money or monetary stuffs but a simple thank you would be great. And sometimes, it's the thought that counts but some people don't even have the thought. Some people might probably be offended by what I mention but oh well, it's the truth.

Call me a hypocrite because maybe I do act like this sometimes but if you expect people to help you all the time without helping someone back then I think there's something wrong. And if you expect people to keep doing stuff for you then that's even ....

And it's always good to know someone has your back rather than stabbing you in the back. People changes with time or rather time shows you who a person really is. When you know someone for a longer period of time, those 'stripes' in their personality actually shows. 

They may dislike you yet pretend to like you. Sometimes it's more like I dislike a trait in one of my friends but it doesn't mean I can't be a friend can't I? In the end, it comes down to being sincere about your friendship and genuine about your feelings.

Recent events happening in my life made me feel that understanding computers and machines is hard but understanding people is even harder. I try to be nice with everyone and not talk behind someone's back (I do occasionally...I'm not a saint.) and I do have my occasional slip-ups and now I learned to watch my back and be careful of what I say because someone would probably be talking behind my back eventually.

All I can do is to be truthful to myself and try not to leap before I look. Life is complicated after all. It's so hard to be simple.

...

My first job interview

Had a job interview at the EDGE carnival yesterday.

It came as a shock actually because I didn't expect that dropping my resume with hundreds of people, the company would pick me as a interview candidate. (Even if they pick many people indeed.)

I'm still thinking why they picked me. I got lucky??!!

The interviewer is from Fuji Electronics and is a section manager. It was scary. Actually it was a basic and casual interview but since I never went for one, it was freaky. It was a good experience though. At least I learn something.

Asking the basic question of tell me something about yourself also made me think a lot. What can I tell about myself that is not on my resume? That I like reading books? Or that I'm a big K-pop fan? Not exactly stuff you want to tell your future employer.

Then he ask what I know about Fuji..and guess what, I don't know much. All I know was they are situated in Kulim and is a semiconductor company. Now I know they make disk and wafer. The interviewer drone on and I realised how important it is to know facts about the company and some basics on electronics.

And if you're being interviewed for a Process Engineer position, bear in mind to know some of the process control and quality control tools. Things like 6 Sigma and FMEA...

In conclusion, prepare yourself before you get into an interview. Know the facts about the company and prepare to answer those simple yet complicated questions like tell me about yourself and what do you know about this company and what we do and etc...

...

The Pretend Games

Sometimes I really don't know who to believe in. Don't judge a book by its cover.

In truth I'm someone easily influenced by people's opinion. And since sometimes some people aren't always like they seem, it's not easy to form the right opinion on someone.

People play the pretend game everyday. My opinion on people does sway from time to time. Some people seems nice but they aren't. Being two faces or three faces is something some people are good at.

I think it is safe to say people form different opinions on me either. Sometimes I really don't care about what people say about me but there are times where I hope everyone has a good opinion or impression on me.

Well, you can never always be the good person. But you can at least pretend.

...

Bookworm...

It seems these days I stuck my nose in books and novels too often.

Sometimes fantasy is so much better than reality.

People read about economics and real stuff. Me? I read romances and fantasy novels.

Maybe it's time I grow up and keep my head in the reality.

Reality seems so hard nowadays. Graduation is looming around the corner and I am not brave enough to face the working life yet.

Furthering my studies on the other hand seems so unnecessary suddenly. I want to be able to give a hand in helping the family earn some money and pay back my parents and remain by their sides. But I still want to be able to fulfill one of my lifetime dreams of studying overseas and travel.

Why are decisions in life so hard to make and with me thinking of all the what ifs in life, I really do feel sometimes sticking my whole body into the book is so so much easier.

...

Is it really strange for a Penang girl not liking to eat Asam Laksa? I don't like the fishy smell of the soup. I like Lemak Laksa though =)

I'm someone who lives on the island but never explore for food. Don't ask me if the food here or there is nicer because I don't have any idea. I'm not much of an adventurer am I? It is only in recent years that I actually do go and try hawker food that people says is good. This newbie doesn't go out much.

I shall try to travel to more places for food so that I can recommend them next time to friends okie? ^__^

Rainbow....

You know how people always say there's sunshine after the rain? Well, a rainbow is a creation of rain and sunshine.

So without any suffering (the rain), you wouldn't get the rainbow. I guess it is the case after my exams. Finishing up a messy horrible paper to come out and see a rainbow.

Somehow felt so special seeing rainbows even though you know it's just a manipulation of light and raindrops caused by diffraction of light...geez...sound so scientific and I still prefer the saying that there's a pot of gold at the end of each rainbow. ^^ The 7 colours of rainbow is still really a great view and makes up a good photo

It's too bad I only have the lousy 3.2 megapixel phone with me or the photo could be much nicer.

P.S. I really suck at photography which is why people always complain when I take photos.

P.P.S So even if I have a nice camera, I doubt I can use it well either. A 3.2 megapixel is just right...at least when people complain I could say it's the camera. :P

...

Of birthdays and personalities

I read from a friend's Facebook page about birthdays and personalities.

Personally I think this kinda stuff is half true and half false. A person's surrounding and their own thinking personifies the person. Of course, I'm prone to believing this kind of things because I like reading them and justify and think whether that I'm this kind of a person.

Here's one...let me know if you think it is just like me.

An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

To me, the fashion bird thingy is tat bit wrong because I'm not really good in fashion stuffs. I do love quick wit though and I really admire people with quick wit. And yes, I do prefer quietness and exploring things and over-thinking something sometimes because I'm going into depth of each things. I really do not like talking to strangers because I'm not much of a talker but people feeling easy in my company? That I'm not sure.

So like I said, this kind of things are half truth and half invented stuff...even if I like reading them very much =)

Is it just me.....

Is it just my own perception

Or am I distancing myself with people around me?

I find myself preferring to be alone and doing things on my own.

Just listening to music and day dream around.

Being home is great as I really get to spend time with my family yet still have the time to just lock myself in the room and enjoy the solitude.

I'm too much of a loner and introvert these days.

...

Old movies...those were the days...

I was surfing the net and a sudden thought got me searching YouTube for drama flicks that Zhao Wei and Su You Peng used to starred in together.

Got me caught up in the memories of watching the old drama and ended up watching them on YouTube. They were so much fun back then and I remember being a fan of Zhao Wei and Su You Peng couple. Hehe. Too bad Zhao Wei got married already. I always had hopes that they will marry. They didn't unlike in the dramas. :P

I guess you think I'm crazy but back then, watching all these dramas was really enjoyable and makes life so less complicated unlike now. There's a few dramas that they starred in where I would spend every night waiting just to watch it.

I think the drama series starring them which I really like the ending would be Old House Has Joy or 老房有喜. There's a quote that I used to really love in the show. I can't remember it though..I'll write it down if I remember the whole thing correctly.

Here's another drama. Romance in the Rain or 情深深雨蒙蒙, Qing Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng. I love the song but the drama is a little too sad sometimes for me.

Last but not least. My Fair Princess, 還珠格格 Huan Zhu Ge Ge...the 1st drama series I actually watch like crazy. I remember going to school and discussing the story with friends or singing the theme song. It still remains as one of my favourite drama series. I only did watch Season 1 and 2 and skipped off 3 because there's no more Zhao Wei and Su You Peng. I saw the ending of season 3 though...good ending but the whole season if I'm not mistaken was kinda sad, so I didn't watch it. There's even a remake which I haven't watch. Shall see if I have the time...

For now, here's some songs from the drama.

Okay, enough of dramas and songs way back then...need to catch some beauty sleep. Nights...

P.S. I finally found the quote I was looking for. It's in mandarin actually but I'm translating it.

"I want you to known that in this world, no matter when or where you will be, there will always be someone waiting for you."

Me likey~~ ^^

It's so sad when my world comes down to this....

No time

No mood

No money

No time to complete everything I need and want to do. No mood to start because I'm thinking too much about it and getting frustrated and no money to get all the thing I want and do.

...