Choosy~~

So here's the thing.

I'm back for 2 months and I'm still jobless...by choice.
I wrote a pretty emotional post 2 weeks ago which I have pull into draft. Too PG18...haha

So why jobless by choice? I'm still trying to get a job that suits me and is at a suitable distance from my house. I got one which wanted me to start in July. Can't do that then cos my mom was sick and I had to be home. Then got one that was way too far to be considered as long term. Of course there was one who chose a course-mate over me. I still think it's their loss :P

So here I am still looking for a job going to interviews and interviews. My dad says I will soon go to all the companies in Penang for interviews. I went to quite a few and I felt I like a few of them but so far no offer.

I got over being offended by what people say of me still not finding a job because in the end, I'm the one working and not you. I rather be working at a place I like and can do well than being miserable at the workplace and sulking and of course some place that pays me well enough and have room for advancement. Now I'm practically rolling my eyes when my relatives ask me if I found a job yet. Got sick of hearing the phrase so often that I don't even mind anymore..kekeke.

I believe in my own ability and if a company recognises it then they will hire me. Simple as that.

So a wait it shall be.

Good things come to those who waits~~~

ICXRI 2012

The ICXRI 2012 participants and organisers.

Having passion on something is great.

After attending my first science conference, ICXRI 2012; an International Conference of X-ray In Research and Industries, I felt that I have so much more to learn. 3 days of sitting inside the Vistana hotel ballroom listening to a bunch of researchers and students; old and young does give a certain perspective on material engineering. I find out that what I learn for these 4 years were just too shallow. There's so much more to learn and science even in material science is such a wide field waiting to be explored.

It's amazing how people have great ideas and visions. It is a really great experience and a chance to see how passionate people are in creating new things and being happy. Having passion matters because if you're not passionate in what you do, you'll hate it. 

Listening to the researchers and presenters giving their say on the fields they are working in is interesting, educational and eye opening. (Not all of them though. Some are just plain boring.) Having good food for tea breaks and lunches didn't hurt either. Meeting new friends along the way and learning something new about oneself.

The presenters seems to have a lot of fun in what they were doing; researching and traveling. You can do something you like and have fun at the same time. When will I ever feel that passionate about something?

I went to ICXRI 2012 because my lecturer registered me for it. Without that, I wouldn't have thought of joining considering it is RM450 to join a conference. I committed myself to go in and learn something and realise a stubborn part of me refuse to change. It's like I'm still stuck in that small world feeling sorry for myself and not wanting to step outside the box.

I meet some interesting characters, PhD students/lecturers who were dedicated and enthusiastic on their work. People who realise the value of simply happy. I hope someday I can find the same passion and dedication to be happy as well whether I'm working or studying. I hope maybe one day I can continue my post-grad degree to but for now I'm taking the easiest route of entering the working life.

Seniors from UniMAP at both ends and the two girls are PhD students I've just got to know.

The postgrad seniors from UniMAP at the conference. I get to tag along.

Poster presentation of my thesis hanging with other posters. Kinda make me proud even though mine was petty and lousy in terms of quality.

The Poster I made.

Sometimes I really wonder. Do I actually put on a facade to face people at times.

Is it really the genuine me or am I just hiding under that kind, considerate image?

It's not that I'm mean and spiteful of people but sometimes I truly envy people who can speak their thoughts easily. I find myself caring too much of what people though about me to speak the entire truth. I'm always afraid that people might think less of me and have a bad opinion on me. Of course sometimes my mouth ran first and you'll find yourself regretting words you said to people.

So, it's a matter of I'm too thin skinned and timid. I care too much on how people feel about me until I forgot that I should care about how I feel abut myself too.

All this time, I always put into consideration how my parents would want me to do before I think of myself. Truth to be told, I based my decisions sometimes on that and it gets tired sometimes and you start thinking you should be selfish. But in the end, it's not always about what you want and is what you need.

I just need happiness. I don't need to be bloody rich and famous. I just want to be happy and sometimes, I can't even feel that. Making decisions are never my strong points. I take people's opinions in and sometimes I don't even know if I'm making a choice by myself or according to someone else's opinion.  I don't believe that diverging from a path you already planned will make you unhappy though. Sometimes I guess jumping blindfolded seems to be good. I just wish at times, I have the guts to do just that. Being happy is such a simple thing yet so hard to be.

Bidding goodbye...

It kinda sad to be leaving the university. After 4 years here, it's hard not to be sentimental. I'll miss the place, the people and the quietness. I got used to the routine life here but there's another path I need to go on right now.

Goodbye to everyone in the university and thank you for being a part of my life and I hope to see some if not all of you one day. May everyone be blessed with good health and love. I'll miss everything. The good and the bad...

Goodbye is the saddest word I'll ever hear... It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye~~

Goodbye everyone and take care...I hope to see you all someday. <3 Annyeong...

To be updated

On my update list

Book review on Garden Spell by Sarah Addison Allen.

Don't have time to update lately. Shall update soon.

Questions to be answered?

I have a question for myself now. Questions actually...

Do I want to further my studies to Doctorate or shall I just go into the working life?

I'm a bit worried actually? What do I want in life? I don't know if I want to be an engineer or lecturer...or something else...

All I know is I want a good payable job. Wahaha...but it's kinda true. I do want a stable job that pays well but I want to be doing a job I would be happy in as well. I don't want to be miserable in a job and not enjoying life.

Maybe I should try working as an engineer first because deciding on taking on postgraduates studies. Or shall I just take a leap of faith and get into studies. 

Opinions and answers vary from different views. How can I find the perfect answer to my question?

And all these questions before I even graduate. >.< 

I think...Let's graduate first before deciding shall we?

...

Gloomy Friday

Friday is a day  where people would pray to come faster because it means weekend break!!

Unfortunately for me, Friday is a day I would think another week gone.

Another week gone means the dateline of my FYP is coming.

And I haven't finish my testing. Yikes...double yikes. 

I feel like screaming like a banshee and feeding myself poison right now.

Oh well, the feeling will go away and I'm back with a determination to finish the FYP on Monday.

But of course, when Friday comes again, I'll be the one worrying about it all over again.

...