Am I a failure...or not???

It's really funny really...these days nothing seems to feel good to me...I wish I am learning from my mistakes but I'm not. Examinations are just over and I totally flunk them....I can say I regret myself not studying more but it just seem I can't learn a lesson that last minute studying just don't work....It don't work...seriously.....but I find myself so sad that I couldn't get the results I have hope for....I didn't do well in Chemistry and I know it is my own fault....I should have done so much better....it my favourite subject for heaven's sake...my best subject and I just have to screw up this time...I was really hoping to at least get a prize for that subject....it seems I am destined not to get any prizes for as long as I am in my school...Okay maybe that was way over the board...we make our own destiny!!!....Maybe Fates lay out the roads for us to choose and it is up to us to decide which path we will go....Yes, Destiny is drafted out for us but it is up to us to actuallygo with it's plan...(okay I'm out of my topic)It's just so damn frustrating....I am KILLING myself her....I hate this...I can't concentrate...sometimes I find myself thinking too much....I go to tuition the suddenly I'm thinking about how i'll do this and that tomorrow.....am I breaking down?? Next week is probably going to be the most hectic week this year....Maybe there are still more hectic ones to come...Next week there is the Curriculum day that I have to prepare for to represent my club...then I have meetings...like the Librarians meeting and the club meeting...I'm in charge but I don't know what to do...I feel so angry that I don't know what to do...others can do it why can't I.......I hate this weakness okay..... then there's Georgian Idol...I still can't accept the fact that I have gotten into the finals...FINALS...can you believe ME...me have gotten into the finals...I am considering pulling out because I really feel I will embarass myself on stage...I'll get all tongue-tied and freaked out Big time...I don't want ot do this anymore......then there's the prom night..I have been waiting for it for a few months but suddenly I feel I don't anticipate it anymore...I don't know why....ya well I'm still thinking of my shoes,my hair and my outfit but there just something lost in the anticipation..it's like I don't have the enery the spark anymore...I feel really tired...i think I want to cry...well I'm not crying...I want to but I can't...I don't know why...My weaknesses are my key to my strengths...or are they...I'm falling apart.....this is it.....

I hate taking exams....Regret??? So not...

You know I really hate exams...why do we have to take so many of them anyway....The midterm examination this year is terrible....I am so sick of it....holidays finally here...two weeks is long for some people but too short for me....after the holidays I would have to go back to school and come face to face with my problems (my going to be terrible results...that is) Despair can't come any sooner than this...how can I enjoy my hoilidays with my thoughts on how I had fared??? Okay, maybe that was a bit overexaggerating....I'm not that bad...At least I think I'm not.....It is not going to be good....might be real bad...I am prepared for whatever comes...at least I hope I am....just cross my fingers and hope for the best...I always do this you know (not the crossing fingers thingy) This worrying when I can do so much better if I had studied earlier...I know I can do so much better but hey isn't that what we always say......I am always so last minute that even if I have read the topic, I can't remember all of it...as a result...Disaster...I'll be pulling my hairs over thinking how to solve the questions...Mathematics was the worst this time (Actually it is always the worst...I'm never prepared fot it) , followed by a close second, chemistry and a mere centimetre away physics...and did you know P.A (the only subject that I tought I can get an A) was terrible....I was totally not prepared for it...I thought the paper starts later and I didn't study at all...I was thinking of studying later.....but there was no later......What horrors is there to last minute studying....Regret can be experienced so vividly in my head.....I think I would be forgetting about this later though....Word of advice to all students....Never...NEVER!!! Never study last minute...it might just kill you...I might have jump off a building or hang myself or drink poison or cut myself with a knife if I haven't thought over how painful it would be to suffer before you die like that...Seriously don't be stupid (don't think of commiting suicide...they all would hurt so much...just imagine cutting yourself with a knife and slowly and painfully bleed to death that is if you haven't call for 911 for help......So just forget about it and study......trust me just study.......( This writer does not plan to study for her next term test until last minute though...she might regret it a lot later but she can't help it that she don't have the "mood" and "interest" to study.......hahahaha)

MUET....Can't wait for it to be so over...

Oh gods....i never want to take another MUET again (to those who don't know what it is...it is a Malaysian University English Test which is complusory for Six-formers to take before entering universities in Malaysia)....no more tests for me...I'm so not retaking it...unless I get very low marks then I have too...you know I thought it would be much easier but hey...I'm always wrong.....It was terrible.....considering I actually went to National Service, I didn't know what to write for the essay "Trainees in NS to be trained using firearms..agree or disagree" I really didn't know what to write.....My mind was blank...I wrote anything I could think of which wasn't much. The listening was okay but I don't know how I did...at least I think I did good...there was this passage in the listening paper which I find quite amusing because it really described me....a complusive horder (someone who keep thing like newspapers,magazine and even tickets....they keep anything they think is valuble or memorable causing big amount of junk and disterss to family members) I think I am one or not in the process of being one...when I actually listened to the passage I find myself laughing because it so described my attitude of keeping all kinds of stuff....I even keep movie tickets,concert tickets and amusement park tickets so I find it really proving I am guilty of being a hoarder....complusive one at that too...It is even catagorised as a mental illness....does that mean I am mentally ill?? Might be because I am crazy...must be a loose screw in my head... The reading comphrehension was a bit better...and I think I did good...I checked a few times and got most of it correct but I'm not sure...Next Tuesday there is another paper...the final one...Speaking paper which I so hate....I am so afraid of this paper mainly because I have to speak in fluent English to show that I am a "Great" speaker of English. That really scares me as I never get a higher score in this paper before...it always pull my scores down...I have to get so ready to speak excellent English and have a high level of speaking skills....Haiz...imagine STPM when I can't even handle this now...I'm so so so so way DEAD....The Midterms are coming too...I haven't even started studying and it is a week away...9 days to be exact...so I have to pray hard and hope I can make it...passing would be so great....Of course passing with flying colours would better...excellent in fact...hahaha

SGGS Musical Concert

It was a very hectic day...our school's Musical Concert. The Student Council spent a lot of time preparing for this concert and everyone hope that it will turn out to be a huge success. It was what I would describe as a Great success...preparing for it was hectic...everyone was working hard to make this event the best ever, so a lot of energy and effort was put into it...especially those in Student's Council and of course the performers. I was one of the performers....I was a dancer in the concert....We are called the Senoritas.....sexy name huh...haha....The concert tickets were priced at RM 20...a lot of people including me...thought the tickets wouldn't sell out....luckily my assumptions were wrong and the night sessions tickets were sold out...there still was the afternoon session...the tickets were not really selling so they sold it for RM10 and well you can say the tickets sold were half of the night session's. I had lots of fun dancing in the cincert....I freaked out but luckily I didn't make any huge mistakes in my steps.....besides that, the hall..(we hold the concertin Dewan Budaya USM...in collaboration with USM)...was quite dark so I don't really have a good view of the audience which tome is a good thing as I wasn't that scared....(you can't be scared if you don't see anyone can you...haha) It was an amazing concert...thanks to all those behind the scenes workers...the Student's Councils....A fantastic night and afternoon I shall say....performances on that day were just fairly good...some were not so good...like the singing(some were off-key...terribly embarassing to me...)..some were boring..(like keroncong...people almost fell asleep)...some were amazing..(like the acapella...indian dance and our dance hehe...)...and some simply inspiring..(like the hip-hop break dancing....cheerleading...asmara dana dance). Overall the concert is one great success...at least that is what I think...

Exams Over...yeah...Holidays over too...Sobz Sobz..

It's been two weeks since exams are over. I did real bad...okay maybe not that bad...I did real bad for physics but chemistry was okay...still haven't got maths and P.A yet...I wonder how I did in MUET? Did I wrote that I got into Georgian Idol's semifinal? I was saying I wouldn't make it pass the first round right? Haha..it seems I sing even better than I thought I sang...but I don't plan on continuing...definitely no since I am freaking out. After exams there was a week break. I went on a trip to KL and Genting during that week for 3 days 2 nights. The School Traffic Wardens organized a trip so I went since I'm part of the wardens too. The journey was okay...not that fun when I always go to KL-Genting but it was okay. The trip was a bit tiring since we went with a tour guide and everything is scheduled properly to ensure perfect timing. I didn't have time to shop not even for a novel...considering how much I love reading novels, it was a bit sad....nevertheless, I can buy them in Penang too just that in KL there are more choices. We reached there a bit late but first, e went on the Eye On Malaysia Ferris wheel which was really nice...the scenery was amazing at night...the lights...wow...
The next day we went to KLCC. I went up the Petronas Twin Tower for the first time in my life. The view was even more fantastic. It doesn't feel a bit scary but really fun to be so high up. We went to PetroScience which I went before a few years ago. It was fun as we get to learn a bit on Science. Later that afternoon we head up to Genting Highlands. When we were at Genting, I actually took a ride that I never have been able to go up since I was real scared. I'm kind of proud I went on it since I felt a bit apprehensive at first but it was fun. I felt like I was floating on the Space Shot. It was like there's no gravity on the ride. I'm glad I conquered my fears since it was fun. Overall the whole trip was fun just not as fun as I expected it to be. I hardly had any sleep since I can't sleep...I don't even know why...maybe I feel a bit unused to the surroundings.

I bought a few things like a pencil box, some earrings and food...hahaha...going to trips are way costly I decide to save up money again in order to be able to buy my novels...I so miss them..reading novels I mean..(I practically read all my novels at home a few times each...some even more than dozens of time...I need new ones to read) I put up a few picture of my trip...how do i look nice or not...so give some comments...hahaha

15 days pass by so fast....CNY is coming to an end

Yesterday, I went to the temple with some of my friends. It was way crowded. Many people were swarming around praying for health and wealth...i think....(I mean isn't that what most people pray for...) It was really merry and well noisy...There were even fireworks...they were really nice but really loud.....we went to the Tua Pek Kong temple in Tanjung Bungah...I remember going there once but it was not as crowded as yesterday.....We went there to see something I never seen before....there was this ceromony which many Chinese believe is like fortune telling I think....the joss sticks were combined together and I think they will fan it till it flames up....the flames represent the economy of the year....It was interesting as I never know about this kind of things....the flames will appear after fanning.....if you believe in this, rest assure the middle and end of this year will be having a very good economical status....so maybe you can start investing now in shares or accomidities to earn more money......I have quite a fun time going out yesterday.....I even eat a bowl of dessert...yummy....CNY is ending as today is already the fifteen day which is the Chap Go Meh.....throwing oranges is today's tradition for all unmarried ladies, maybe I should try?? Hahaha....I don't really think that kind of thing will work in the society these days...or maybe they do...How would I know I never try it....I rather stay at home and enjoy the luxuries my television and computer can give...hehe

OMG....Did I did what I think I did?!?!!!!???

Oh My God!!!!!...I can't believe I actually did something so crazy that I thought I would never do ever ever in my life......Ok it's not a very huge news or important but it is something I thought I would not have the courage to do......I actually went to the Georgian Idol audition...(it's my school's version of American Idol...though there's no judges like Paula or Simon) They have actually force almost every class to sent one representative and guess what....I got chosen...me and my blabbermouth to be singing all the time in class....It was real scary...it was not a closed audition and everyone can see you singing....I actually suck at singing although I love to sing.....It really freak me out to go up stage and actually sing, (it took me more than 20 minutes to think over my stupid decision) after all I'm a bit stage fright.... When I finally decided to go up, my heart was beating like hell......I sang Lucky by Britney Spears and I know my voice was not nice but hell, I gave it a shot...I don't want to get in the finals anyway....I might be laughed at by everyone...It is way too scary to go again.....the finals will be in front of everyone in school...so I won't do it even if I got chosen (not like they are going to chose me...I was bad...not really nice voice ok...) Now that it is over, I think it was a shot worth doing...I will probably never do things like this again (Hmm...maybe try out for Malaysian Idol....Superstar...definitely not) I have to say thanks to Hui Ping....for actually supporting and encouraging me to go up stage and sing...but a part of me wants to kill her for giving my name in the audition...(every class is compulsory to send one rep...) But well then again, I'm glad for the experience and that the experience is over. So now I can live in peace.....Phew...we won't know the results of the auditon yet but I hope I'm not chosen.....after all I'm bad in singing and stage fright can really kill me...I'll just embarass myself up there.... This week must be a week of surprise, surprises.....A few days ago, I joined the Science and Maths quiz...again I was force to join because the teacher written down my name.....I was just as freaked out for the quiz as I was to the audition...though maybe not that freaked out because the quiz was a more minor thing compare to the audition....I was really scared when they asked me the first question of the quiz...did you know what they asked..."Name the seven colours of the rainbow" I was a bit shock by the question for being a bit to simple but still quite tough...Luckily I knew the answer and got it right...there were many questions given...we join the quiz in group chosen by the teacher and guess what...I'm the team leader...teacher really think I'm good...not really right??....because I'm not. Questions given were simple question yet tough as in if you are not vast in your knowledge of science and maths then you wouldn't know.....like how much is 1 tonne in ounces or which planets are without moons or where is your funny bone.....I don't even have an idea of what the answer is....Luckily or unluckily, my team won a spot to the finals but guess what again....the finals are to be held in the hall in front of the whole school....time for another stage fright again....haizz....at least this time I have many people in my group to support me if I don't know the answer or freaked out......